I’m Just Sayin’ 5

September 9, 2009 at 10:26 am | In I'm Just Sayin' | Leave a Comment
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God is sovereign in all things, including the salvation of man. “…Salvation is of the LORD.” (Jonah 2:9) It is right for this fact to be held in high regard, and for it to be taught as doctrine. However, I’m just sayin’, the truth of God’s sovereignty does not require an attack on the truth of man’s responsibility.

A word to the wise: Be careful about pointing out, in certain circles, God’s gracious empowering of man’s will. In fact, be careful about where you even dare to say that man has a will. Be prepared, in certain theological enclaves, to be called everything from Arminian to antinomian to semi-Pelagian (whatever those mean).

I understand that people are physically born into this world dead in sins and trespasses, and that, if they are “born again” (born spiritually into the family of God by His grace through faith in Jesus), they are not saved solely by their own wise choice. But, I’m just sayin’, Christians are called to preach. And the preaching of the Gospel means calling on men to “do” something. (If you listen closely you can hear the gasping, the clicking of keyboards, and the whirring of automated spell-checkers on the words “monergism” and “synergism” as I say this.)

Chances are you will eventually run across someone involved in “internet discernment ministry” one of these days. If you do, then you will quickly become familiar with some of their favorite phrases:

“Gospel reductionism”
“Death to the Sinner’s Prayer!”
“The damnable altar call”
“Decisional idolatry”
“Decisional regeneration”
“Decisionism” (They’ve really got a hatred for the word “decision.”)
and
“Don’t ask Jesus into your heart”

The fact is, the Bible is where we learn about the truth of God’s sovereignty and man’s responsibility, and finite minds can never fully grasp the wondrous and astounding relationship of the two working together perfectly.

In the novel, True Grit, by Charles Portis, the main character, Mattie Ross, has a lawyer named J. Noble Daggett. When Mattie feels as if she’s being treated unfairly, she is quick to bring up Mr. Daggett’s name, and to threaten legal action. Two of the other characters, finally having had enough of this, complain, “Lawyer Daggett again! She draws him like a gun.”

Those in internet discernment ministries have their own versions of Lawyer Daggett, whom they also draw like guns in response to Bible verses that show that men do have a “will,” and that they do make “decisions.” The most common of these guns are John MacArthur, Paul Washer, James White, and A.W. Pink, but there are others. One lady who didn’t like me saying that the Apostles called for a response when they preached, finally just resorted to cutting and pasting sections of Matthew Henry’s commentary! No offense to these gentlemen, who, I am sure, are/were fine Biblical scholars, but when a pithy quote from a reformed theologian meets a Bible Verse, the Bible Verse is always going to win. I’m just sayin’.

I’m Just Sayin’ 4

April 30, 2009 at 11:29 am | In I'm Just Sayin' | 1 Comment
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I have coached girls’ little league tee-ball or softball for about 12 years now, because I have young daughters. I may not be the greatest coach ever, but, I’m just sayin’, in those 12 years, I have gained some experience. I have learned a few things.

One of the most important things I’ve learned is that, although softball/baseball has a special jargon, as a coach, you can not assume that young girls understand all, or even any, of it.

This year is the first year in a while that I did not get to be a head coach. I am assistant coaching. The head coach of our team is a nice guy, but I’m just sayin’, when it comes to communicating with the girls on the team, he does not have a clue.

We can argue about whether 9 and 10 year old girls should know what “play deep” or “choke up on it” means, but, whether or not they should know, the fact is, most of them do not know.

Girls that age need to be told where to stand, where to look, where to run, where to throw, and when to get a bat, a helmet, or a glove. They need to be told that they can’t take their Nintendo onto the field. I’m just sayin’.

When the coach will not realize or accept this principle, the results range from frustrating to disastrous.

Coach: (Jumping up and down yelling, as the ball is thrown into the infield, and the base runner is halfway from second base to third) “Get onna bag! Get onna bag!”

He means for the player to hurry up and get her feet on third base. But she does not know that “bag” means base, so she thinks he is saying, “Get back! Get back!” She turns and heads back to second base, and is tagged out.

Coach: “Go two! Go two!” The coach’s team is on defense, so he means that when a ground ball is hit to the infield they should throw it to second base for the force-out.

But the girls hear, “Go two!” and think, “What? I just went to the bathroom and did ‘number one’ before the game. I don’t have to ‘go two.’”

Coach: “Full count!” This happens when he is telling the batter there is three balls and two strikes. But the batter is now looking around wildly for a European nobleman who had too much to eat. Maybe he’s skulking around the concession stand with a cape and a rapier. Meanwhile, strike three goes sailing by.

Coach: “Good eye! Good eye!” This is yelled down to the batter after she wisely decided not to swing at a bad pitch. (I played organized baseball from age 4 to age 18, and no one ever yelled “Good eye!” to me.) The batter is now wondering if her mother was right in saying that she’s too young to wear mascara.

The confusion is endless. As a coach it is exhausting having to explain things like, “When that girl who has the bat hits the ball to you, be sure and bend down and pick it up FIRST, and then run – as fast as you can – like when you are chasing your little brother out of your room – and step on this base here – WHILE YOU’RE STILL HOLDING the ball.” Very un-baseball-lingo sounding, I know. But very necessary if you want to get an out, end the inning, and get home in time for homework, bath, and bed. I’m just sayin’.

I’m Just Sayin’ 3

March 9, 2009 at 2:06 pm | In I'm Just Sayin' | 5 Comments
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I know there are some people who are genuinely concerned about other people’s physical appearances, but, I’m just sayin’, I already know how I look.

Believe me, I DO have a mirror in my house. It’s not my favorite thing at which to look, but I make a point to look into it at least once a day. And, although it might be hard for some people to accept, I DO know the condition of my own eyes.

Here’s me and here’s a dude that weighs 450 pounds. We are talking pleasantly to each other, but otherwise minding our own business. Here comes a third person walking up to us. This third person looks at the obese man and says… NOTHING. This third person looks at me, and says, “Hey man, what’s wrong with your eyes? You have really dark circles. And they’re RED! You look rough, like you didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Now, all of these things are true, but I’m just sayin’, what is it about tired-looking eyes that call for a complete scorched-earth campaign of honesty against all social etiquette? This happens to me multiple times each day – I’m neither kidding nor exaggerating.

Here’s the skinny: I was BORN with dark circles under my eyes. My eyes are puffy and swollen if I’ve been up all night, and they are puffy and swollen if I slept 16 hours a night for the last three nights in a row. My eyes have ALWAYS been red and bloodshot – I can show you my elementary school pictures. And, finally, YES, I DO KNOW IT!

To top it off, people have very selective memories. Many of the people I know – and HAVE KNOWN for 10+ years – tell me how my eyes look EVERY TIME they see me – often more than once during the same day!

I’ve seen these same people interact with amputees. I’ve seen them interact with horrendously-obvious toupee’-wearers – and nary a word. But let me show up – and, all of sudden, the gloves are off. “Wow, your eyes… Did you know you have really big bags under your eyes?”

Maybe people are just extremely sympathetic and helpful, but, if you see someone with something about their face that you obviously find noteworthy of mention or amazement, here’s a hint: You are NOT REQUIRED to mention it every time you see them! I’m just sayin’.

I’m Just Sayin’ 2

February 23, 2009 at 2:12 pm | In I'm Just Sayin' | 2 Comments
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I have an ad in the phone book, and, I’m just sayin’, if you call a place of business, be PREPARED TO EXPRESS THE REASON YOU ARE CALLING.

How many times each day does my phone go off, and I say, “Hello, this is Ministry Addict, can I help you?” only to hear, “Uhhhh, yesss, uhhh, I’m trying to find a, uhhhh, [name of business].

Me: “Yes, that’s what I do.”

Caller: (dead silence)

Me: “Can I help you????”

Caller: “Can I ask you something about (the name of business)?”

Me: Yes.

Caller: (dead silence)

Me: “Go ahead…it’s okay… you had a QUESTION? Or a REASON FOR CALLING?”

And on and on it goes, while time is wasted. Look, I know people are in the habit of reaching a recorded answering machine nowadays, or a robot-voice that says, “Press 1 for English,” or at least a receptionist, but, I’m just sayin’, IT’S OKAY. When you call a place of business, you might actually talk to the person who can help you. Here’s a hint: Prepare what you are going to say a little bit in your head before you dial the number! We will both communicate better and more efficiently if you tell me why you called me, instead of me having to drag it out of you like a murder confession from a mob informant.

When I used to have a car radio that worked I would sometimes listen to a sports talk show on which the host would invite listeners to call the program live on the air. His one requirement was that when people called they must “have a take and don’t [expletive deleted, but it means 'stink.']” In other words, be able to express yourself clearly, and don’t stink at it.

That advice may be a little coarse, but I’m just sayin’, when you call a place of business, you have my permission: go nuts, put yourself out on a limb and actually expect someone helpful to answer. If they do, then have a take, and don’t stink. I’m just sayin’.

I’m Just Sayin’

February 4, 2009 at 9:52 am | In I'm Just Sayin' | 1 Comment
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I’m just sayin’, smoking cigarettes is not the worst possible thing someone could do. But don’t get me wrong. It’s pretty bad. It causes people to suffer and die, and it seems to me that the people who choose to do it, must know this by now, but they choose to do it anyway.

Personally, I don’t smoke and I don’t drink coffee, but if you do, I’m just sayin’: coffee breath + cigarette breath = dog excrement. There’s no other way to express it. It’s just as true as the statement about cigarette-smoking causing suffering and death.

If you have to smoke in the morning, don’t drink coffee. Coffee-breath is bad enough on its on own. If you have to drink coffee, don’t smoke. If you are compelled to do both, please, please, please, do not go near another person with your mouth open. It is simply and truly disgusting. I’m just sayin’.

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