Warning Sign #8: Regularly Scheduled Miracles

March 28, 2011 at 2:45 pm | Posted in When Good Preachers Go Bad | 10 Comments
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If your pastor is in the transitional phase of crossing over into the “word of faith” or “prosperity gospel” movements, you may want to consider getting him a notebook for his birthday or pastor appreciation day. I know that does not sound like a very special gift, but it can come in really handy. Just make sure it is fairly thick. He’s going need it to be able to write down and keep up with all his different “anointings.”

He will want to write down the dates and times he first received his “preachin’ anointing,” his “speaking-in-tongues anointing,” his “harvest anointing,” his “anointing of increase,” his “anointing of favor,” his “financial anointing,” his “binding and loosing anointing,” his “dreams and visions anointing,” any musical or singing “anointings” he might have received, and many many more. These usually happen during a “vision retreat” where he abandons his family and flock for a few days so he can go somewhere secluded and hear God speak to him audibly in a place where no one else is around to verify it.

Of course, these “lesser anointings” will decrease in importance as he grows in faith. He is really just biding his time until he receives his “healing anointing” and his “miracle-working anointing.” That’s where the real money and fame is, after all. You don’t get much more “anointed” than being able to do a miracle, heal someone from a a disease or injury, or even raise the dead.

When your pastor gets to that level of anointedness, look out. It’s time for him to start regularly scheduling the miracles! If you think I’m exaggerating, think again. Even the Apostle Paul and the 1st Century Christians weren’t this anointed. Oh, sure, they did miracles by the power of God. But even they couldn’t make a “miracle reservation” and invite everybody to come “receive their healing” at an appointed time of their own choosing. Look at what Paul told Timothy:

Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach’s sake and thine often infirmities.

I Timothy 5:23

Too bad Benny Hinn wasn’t around back then. (If you type “regularly scheduled miracles” into Google, he is the first name that pops up.) Benny could have pushed Timothy over onstage in front of thousands of spectators and instantly healed his stomach problems without that pesky wine. (Of course, Timothy would have had to pay to park, wait in a long line at a big event center, dodge the numerous offering baskets, and sit through two-plus hours of droning repetitive trance-inducing “praise and worship music.”)

Or how about these poor believers, who suffered not because they didn’t speak the right “words of faith,” but because they did speak faithfully:

They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented;

Hebrews 11:37

Too bad they couldn’t have held on a little longer until the next “weekend of miracles” so a greedy “anointed” faith healer could lay hands on them and convince them that there is guaranteed physical healing in the Atonement.

Does God work miracles today? Without a doubt. Is he doing them at regularly scheduled pre-planned events calculated to bring glory and riches to men? Not likely. If your pastor is getting into this sort of thing, lovingly offer him a ride to the nearest critical care unit, pediatric cancer ward, or severe burn treatment center, so he can really put his “anointing” to use free of charge. Or better yet, take him to the morgue. If he can slap your Aunt Boo-Boo upside the head and heal her ingrown toenail, surely it’s only a difference in degree between that “miracle” and raising the dead. Right?

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  1. […] that Peter did not use this miraculous healing episode to start a “healing and deliverance conference” focused on curing diseases and healing infirmities. Instead, he used the occasion of […]

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  6. […] with the Holy Spirit. You don’t have to travel to Florida or Texas or Canada to some “outpouring” event to find Him or to chase Him […]

  7. […] Bible, was confirmed by signs and wonders. Many people today neglect the wonders of God’s Word, chasing after physical manifestations – visible signs and wonders – which is dangerous. Can God do today what He did in times past? […]

  8. […] only the Old Testament patriarchs, but New Testament martyrs as well, have suffered faithfully, without earthly deliverance. I hope you don’t believe that some television preacher with a […]

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