A Designer Marriage

October 17, 2011 at 1:13 pm | Posted in Biblical Marriage | 14 Comments
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So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Ephesians 5:28

If men are supposed to love themselves, why the need for wives? Why not cut out the middle man? Because it is not good for men to be alone. It is not good in general for people to be alone, and it is not good specifically for the man.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18

A “help meet” is what we would call a “helper who is a perfect fit” or “a helper who is perfectly suited.” If you are a wife, you were designed by God specifically to help your husband, and you are the perfect one for that job. Wives meet the emotional needs of their husbands. We were made in the image of God, and we do have emotions that survived the fall in the Garden of Eden.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Genesis 1:27-28

Marriage meets society’s need for structure and stability and the proper training of children.

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

I Corinthians 7:1-3

Marriage also meets the physical needs of husbands and wives, but marriage especially meets the spiritual needs of husbands and wives. God designed wives to submit to husbands. He designed husbands to lead wives. He designed wives to give holy counsel and companionship to husbands. He designed husbands to sanctify wives with the Word of God. Just because one spouse is failing to fulfill these God-ordained responsibilities, the other spouse is not excused from fulfilling his or hers.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Ephesians 5:29

The natural inclination of men apart from God is to nourish, to feed, our own flesh. What we are called to do, though, is to feed our wives spiritually and to feed the marriage relationship. We are also called to “cherish” it – to treat it well. As husbands, we must treat our wives and our marriages as valuable. We must protect our wives and protect the marriage. What a tragedy if I protect my marriage from everyone but me. Christ nourishes the Church in these same ways.

So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

John 21:15-17

Now, if you are reading this and you are a wife, I am aware that your husband may not be doing any of these things. (Most aren’t!) But in a previous lesson we discussed the importance of creating in the home a climate where he could start doing these things. You must humbly express the need to be fed and cherished, and to be ministered to spiritually. Trust the Lord to miraculously change your husband’s heart and create in him a desire to do these kinds of things. Also, remember that, if you love Jesus, you must love those that Jesus loves. The best way to make sure that you are obeying Christ is to love your spouse. A marriage where one spouse is obedient, even if the other is not, still honors Christ.


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  2. Helpful page and very enlightening. Thanks for taking the time to write it and post it!

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