Objections to Being Kind to Your Spouse

April 20, 2012 at 9:40 am | Posted in Biblical Marriage, I Corinthians | 1 Comment
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And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

I Corinthians 13:3-4 (emphasis added)

In marriage, we must show kindness to our spouses if we expect the Lord to show kindness to us.

With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful; with an upright man thou wilt shew thyself upright; With the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure; and with the froward thou wilt shew thyself froward.

Psalm 18:25-26

For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

Matthew 7:2

I need to be longsuffering toward my spouse if I am going to have any reasonable expectation of God being longsuffering toward me. I need to be kind toward my spouse if I am to have any reasonable expectation of the Lord being kind toward me.

Here are some common objections to being kind:

Objection 1: My spouse’s behavior toward me is intolerable.

Why that is not a valid objection:

a. You’ve done worse to God than your spouse has done to you.
b. God has promised to love you – not just when you “act right,” but in the eternal future.
c. By being unkind, we imply that God was unworthy when He suffered wrong-doing for love’s sake.
d. God is worthy of being imitated.
e. The revenge or the resentment you are contemplating would not be okay if God applied it to you.
f. When you show unkindness in response to cruel treatment, you are implying that God is schizophrenic: that He commanded you to bear some things that you are unable to bear.

Objection 2: My spouse never repents.

Why that is not a valid objection:

a. Your own repentance is never quick enough or complete enough before God.
b. If your own sins are forgiven and under the blood of Christ, you ought not to demand a higher repentance of others than God demands of you.
c. If your spouse is obligated to bear your faults, you ought to make those faults as bearable as possible.

Objection 3: Putting up with mistreatment encourages more mistreatment.

Why that is not a valid objection:

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:19-21


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  1. […] in Marriage 21. Suffering in Marriage 22. LONGsuffering in Marriage 23. Be Kind to Your Spouse 24. Objections to Being Kind to Your Spouse 25. Jump-Starting Your Marriage 26. Performing a Biopsy on Your Marriage 27. Getting the Puffiness […]

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