Fathers and Daughters

July 20, 2012 at 3:20 pm | Posted in Bible Studies, Biblical Parenting | 9 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I have three daughters. My experience with boys is very limited, but from what I can tell there are some big differences between boys and girls. If you are reading this as a father of more than one daughter, you may be able to understand when I say that girls talk a LOT. Counting my wife, I live in a house with four girls and it is a place of NON-STOP talking. During one supper at my house there are probably more words said than I’ve said by myself in the last 25 years.

 

Another big difference is that girls seem to be a little more emotional than boys. It’s not that boys never cry. I mean, a typical boy might cry a little – if it’s something serious like a broken leg – but only after looking around to make sure no one is watching. But a girl can cry for an hour over losing a button off her dress. And if her big sister sticks her tongue out at her – look out. Your stock in Kleenex just went up thirty points.

Another difference is that girls tend to be more insecure than boys. Chances are, when you had a daughter, you had to learn to spend a lot of time saying things like, “It’s okay, there’s nothing bad in the attic,” or, “don’t worry if they laugh at your hair, I’ll sue everybody in that school.” It’s just a fact of life: Daughters need to be comforted by their fathers.

The Bible has some guidance for how fathers are supposed to love their daughters, and I’m glad Proverbs 22:6 doesn’t say, “Train up a son in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” It says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 20:7 doesn’t say, “The just man walketh in his integrity: his sons are blessed after him.” It says, “his children are blessed after him.”

God has given us a great gift in our daughters, and they are fun, but they are not just for our enjoyment. We have a responsibility to do what Proverbs says and train them up in the way they should go.

Let me encourage you to make regular church attendance an important part of your daughter’s life. If your daughter sees that you make church a priority, she will do the same as she grows older, and the church is a great place for your daughter to experiment with different ways of serving the Lord, and find out which ways suit her best.

Training has to be more than just bringing our daughters to church, though. If we’re spending all our time serving at church ourselves, and just using the church to babysit for us while we do it, we’re making a big mistake. It is important for our daughters to know Bible stories, and the people in the Bible, and Bible verses, and it’s our responsibility as fathers to teach them those things. It’s not enough just to discuss these things at church. Train your daughters at home, too.

It’s hard to find time to spend with our family, period. We may as well admit it. Just earning money to pay for a home and food and clothes takes most of our time. But we have to somehow make the time, to make it a priority, or we’ll miss out on the best times of all. I’ve learned that – with daughters – the talking, the emotions, the insecurity, that’s where you’ll do most of your real training. If you can take the time to listen to all those “and I was like…and she was like… and then I was like…” in all that talking there is valuable information about what your daughter is really thinking. In all that crying and sighing and melodrama over “why do I have to get off the phone and clean my room,” there is something inside that big production that is a signal that will tell you what’s really on your daughter’s heart. Even in her insecurity there is a sign that she might be insecure because of something you’ve done to let her down.

But if we don’t have the patience or make the time to sit through all that and pay close attention, we’re not going to know what’s really on her mind, and in her heart, and what she needs you to do to help her. If we miss out on those things, we’re missing out on the best parts of having a daughter.

Before you can address anybody else’s insecurity, you’ve got to make sure that you are secure in your own heart. I would think that every decent father would want his daughter to be secure in the knowledge that she has a relationship with Jesus and that her place in Heaven is 100% guaranteed.

And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

II Timothy 3:15 (emphasis added)

There’s no way to have real security without faith in Jesus.

Advertisements

9 Comments »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. I am my father’s 4th daughter. The 5th did end up being a boy but my Dad lived most of his parenting life in a hen house. 🙂 I am grateful to my father for all his kindness and understanding. I write today because of him and when I was 35 he gifted his library of theology texts to me. Father-son bonds are always special but to a girl, there is no man quite like her daddy. He is my hero. To the world, my father may only stand 5’7″ or so but to me he is 10 feet tall. I have not known a day without him and I tear up at the thought of losing him. He’s not just my Dad; he is my best friend too. Good article. Thank you!

  2. Thank you for that wonderful comment. You have encouraged me greatly to think of the Godlly influence that your father had on you.

  3. I am the mother of four sons, no daughters, so this is a glimpse in to a foreign country for me. Thank you for this view.

  4. ihcounsel: I’m glad you took the time to read and comment. I certainly enjoyed looking at your site. If you’re interested, my wife is way more eloquent on the subject of parenting than I am: http://ihavetobelieve.wordpress.com/2008/07/27/raising-godly-boys/

  5. […] ever feel lonely, you can call my house and I’ll put you on speaker-phone. I have a wife and three daughters, and it’s hard to be lonely in the middle of constant talking! But, seriously, God has put […]

  6. […] 1. Discipleship Lessons Promo 2. A Match Made in Heaven Part 1 3. A Match Made in Heaven Part 2 4. The “Great” that Doesn’t “Grate” – Part One 5. The “Great” that Doesn’t “Grate” – Part Two 6. The Great Trading-Post 7. What Is God Like? 8. Brain “Washing” Produces “Clean” Living (Part 1) 9. Brain “Washing” Produces “Clean” Living (Part 2) 10. Turning Up the Heat – Part 1 11. Turning Up the Heat – Part 2 12. Turning Up the Heat – Part 3 13. Careless Love – Part 1 14. Careless Love – Part 2 (Divine Rapid Heart Rate) 15. Careless Love – Part 3 16. T.K.O. Your Pastor (#1) 17. T.K.O. Your Pastor (#2) 18. The Solemn Ascension 19. S.E.R.V.E. the Lord in Children’s Ministry 20. Is It Wrong to Ask for an Overt Response? (Part 1) 21. Is It Wrong to Ask for an Overt Response (Part 2) 22. Teaching the 3rd and 4th Commandments to Children (*) 22. The Lord’s Leftovers 23. Explaining the Meaning of Biblical “Authority” to Children 24. The Last but Not the Least – Part 1 25. The Last but Not the Least – Part 2 26. The Last but Not the Least – Part 3 27. Tips for Teachers 28. Dr. Law and Dr. Grace 29. Healing for Truly Broken Hearts 30. The Husband of One Wife – Part 1 31. The Husband of One Wife – Part 2 32. The Devil’s Math 32. Setting Up Your Own Place 33. Testing Your Testimony 34. The Bold Pair in the Enemy’s Lair (Part 1) 35. The Bold Pair in the Enemy’s Lair (Part 2) 36. Practical Intentional Evangelism 37. High and Mighty 38. Calling Witnesses (Part 1) 39. Calling Witnesses (Part 2) 40. Calling Witnesses (Part 3) 41. The Early Bird Gets to Wait 42. Faithful to Him and to Each Other 43. Leading Instead of Watching 44. The Hard Work of Encouragement 45. The Redeemer Is Prophesied 46. Key Words for Bible Teachers: Truth and Type 47. Key Words for Bible Teachers: Treasure 48. Christian Lifeguards 49. Leavenless Lump 50. Things New and Old 51. How Tall Was Jesus? 52. Do You Have Plans for Lunch? 53. What Are You Hungry For? 54. The Breathtaking Wonder of God 55. The Helmet of Salvation 56. Being At-TENT-ive to God 57. Home Is Where Your Lord Is 58. Three Things to Bring to Sunday School 59. It’s Time to Grow Up 60. Biblical Men 61. Graded by God: Turning Your “F”s into “A”s (Part One) 62. Graded by God: Turning Your “F”s into “A”s (Part Two) 63. Graded by God: Turning Your “F”s into “A”s (Part Three) 64. Fathers and Daughters […]

  7. […] Want to Be Men 17. The Dangers of Fatherhood 18. The Early Bird Gets to Wait 19. Show and Tell 20. Fathers and Daughters […]

  8. […] you ever feel lonely, you can call my house and I’ll put you on speaker-phone. I have a wife and three daughters, and it’s hard to be lonely in the middle of constant talking! But, seriously, God has put […]

  9. […] most part, claim to love babies. For some people, this is a basic emotional response. My wife and daughters, upon seeing a baby, will often say, “That baby is SOOOOOOOOO cute!” When I hear this, […]


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: