A C.A.L.M. and Accommodating Marriage

August 15, 2012 at 9:37 am | Posted in Biblical Marriage, I Corinthians | 8 Comments
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Christian love in marriage…

…[d]oth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

I Corinthians 13:5 (emphasis added)

Spouses should be be:


We all have a tendency to “seek our own.”

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Ephesians 5:29

What is the longest period of time in your life you have you gone without sleeping? What about without eating? It is built into our nature as human beings to take care of ourselves. Self-preservation is a gift from God, but our sinfulness so often warps this useful gift into something perverted. How often do we meditate on our marriages as vehicles for our own self-interest?

-What would make this marriage better for me?
-What would make my spouse a better spouse – for me?
-I don’t mind doing something for my spouse, as long as it’s not too bad for me, too – or as long as I get something in return.

The Bible is very up-front about our selfishness: We are not naturally accommodating to others.

For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s.

Philippians 2:21

The remedy for this is accommodating your spouse – but not, as we may suppose, by making the accommodation for your spouse’s sake. The remedy is making an accommodation based on what’s best from Christ’s point of view. It is the Gospel that truly teaches us to be accommodating, and the by-product is having a calm, peaceful marriage. When neither spouse is seeking his/her own and when both spouses are seeking what’s best for the other, then the Spirit of Christ rules and brings freedom. We don’t fully realize just how freeing selflessness is until we give up our own “rights.” After all, do most of the things we call “rights” really qualify for that designation? Does the Bible give you the “right” to a hot meal? To a “clean house?” To a husband who makes as much money as your friend’s husband? To a wife who is as thin or as voluptuous or whatever as your friend’s wife? Oh the joy – the freedom – we experience when begin to give up our “rights” and tell our spouses, “You go first;” “I’ll let you decide;” “We’ll do what you want to do.”


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