Submission and Honor in Marriage

August 27, 2018 at 10:46 am | Posted in I Peter | 2 Comments
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Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

I Peter 3:1

There are the levels of rank in the army of the Lord. A wife who will not come into subjection and submission to the will of her husband, or a child who will not come under subjection and submission to the will of a parent, will have a very difficult time submitting to the will of the Lord.

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

I Peter 3:7

Husbands and wives are joint heirs of gracejoined together by God for His glory. The wife who will not submit, and the husband who will not honor, both rob God of His glory. An earthly father who is zealous for his daughter’s well-being will certainly deal harshly with a son-in-law who mistreats that daughter. How much more will the Lord deal harshly with a husband who mistreats a daughter of God? Husbands will answer to God for how they have treated His daughters, probably even before they answer for have they have handled their church-related ministry responsibilities.

The “likewises” in v. 1 and v. 7 refer not just to Abraham and Sara, but to the Lord Jesus Christ. Our spouses are not just given to us by God for our pleasure, nor merely for companionship and comfort.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Ephesians 5:22

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Ephesians 5:25

God has joined spouses together as part of His plan to conform us to the image of Christ. Christ loved – and gave Himself for – people who were originally unresponsive to, or actually opposed to, His love. If we hope to be conformed to the likeness of Christ, we must learn to submit to, to honor, to obey, to love in spite of unresponsiveness or opposition, to love unconditionally and CONSISTENTLY our spouses.

A Designer Marriage

October 17, 2011 at 1:13 pm | Posted in Biblical Marriage | 14 Comments
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So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Ephesians 5:28

If men are supposed to love themselves, why the need for wives? Why not cut out the middle man? Because it is not good for men to be alone. It is not good in general for people to be alone, and it is not good specifically for the man.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18

A “help meet” is what we would call a “helper who is a perfect fit” or “a helper who is perfectly suited.” If you are a wife, you were designed by God specifically to help your husband, and you are the perfect one for that job. Wives meet the emotional needs of their husbands. We were made in the image of God, and we do have emotions that survived the fall in the Garden of Eden.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Genesis 1:27-28

Marriage meets society’s need for structure and stability and the proper training of children.

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

I Corinthians 7:1-3

Marriage also meets the physical needs of husbands and wives, but marriage especially meets the spiritual needs of husbands and wives. God designed wives to submit to husbands. He designed husbands to lead wives. He designed wives to give holy counsel and companionship to husbands. He designed husbands to sanctify wives with the Word of God. Just because one spouse is failing to fulfill these God-ordained responsibilities, the other spouse is not excused from fulfilling his or hers.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Ephesians 5:29

The natural inclination of men apart from God is to nourish, to feed, our own flesh. What we are called to do, though, is to feed our wives spiritually and to feed the marriage relationship. We are also called to “cherish” it – to treat it well. As husbands, we must treat our wives and our marriages as valuable. We must protect our wives and protect the marriage. What a tragedy if I protect my marriage from everyone but me. Christ nourishes the Church in these same ways.

So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

John 21:15-17

Now, if you are reading this and you are a wife, I am aware that your husband may not be doing any of these things. (Most aren’t!) But in a previous lesson we discussed the importance of creating in the home a climate where he could start doing these things. You must humbly express the need to be fed and cherished, and to be ministered to spiritually. Trust the Lord to miraculously change your husband’s heart and create in him a desire to do these kinds of things. Also, remember that, if you love Jesus, you must love those that Jesus loves. The best way to make sure that you are obeying Christ is to love your spouse. A marriage where one spouse is obedient, even if the other is not, still honors Christ.

Reverence in Marriage (Part 2)

June 29, 2011 at 9:05 am | Posted in Biblical Marriage | 12 Comments
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In Part 1 we discovered that the Greek word for the way wives are supposed to relate to their husbands is phobos, which is often translated as “fear,” although in Ephesians 5:33 it has been translated as “reverence.”

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Ephesians 5:31-33, emphasis added

The reason the translators chose “reverence” as the English word for phobos, instead of “fear,” is because “reverence” is greater than simple “respect,” but it keeps the “fear” of a wife for her husband out of the area which is supposed to be reserved for God only. Husbands need love from their wives, but they need reverence more than love because reverence makes it possible to lead in love. Remember, husbands are commanded to love as Christ loved. Without willing reverence from the wife, the husband would be commanded to be so loving that he would never command. Christ didn’t love the Church even though He had to give it commands; He loved us so much that He had to give us commands.

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Ephesians 5:21-22

Notice that there is no general command for women to submit to men. Wives have a special duty of submission to their own husbands. Headship and submission are real, and they are not negated by Ephesians 5:21’s general command to be submissive toward others in our general attitude. In fact, you may be in a marriage where you have been extremely submissive, and it has, in large part, contributed to your husband being an overbearing jerk. Despite this, your continued submission and humility will often go a long way toward sweetening the marriage relationship when things begin to turn around.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

Matthew 5:38-45

In a worst case scenario, your husband may be: (a) cold and indifferent like a stranger to you – in which case you are commanded to love your neighbor, which includes strangers; or (b) hateful and spiteful to you like your worst enemy – in which case you are commanded to love your enemy. God is in charge of justice. We leave the justice up to Him, and we are to show grace and mercy. Marriage may be the only place that some of us can truly learn the difficult virtue of Christ-honoring humility.

Careless Love – Part 2 (Divine Rapid Heart Rate)

April 14, 2010 at 10:22 am | Posted in Bible Studies | 7 Comments
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It might be hard to believe, but Christ Himself, the all-powerful, all-knowing, perfect, and righteous King over all creation, is smitten with love for an often-rebellious, -scornful, and –lukewarm bride.

Song of Solomon is the book of the Bible which beautifully and poetically sings the praises, not only of the love between a husband and wife, but also of the love of Christ for His bride, the Church.

Song of Solomon 4:9 says, “Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.”

How little we understand of Christ’s love! The word “ravish” means “to capture someone’s heart” – to make them come alive with desire – literally, “to cause the heartbeat to speed up.”

All day long Christians are going here, going there, trying to do this, to do that, to make money, to fulfill worldly obligations, to pursue entertainment, to try to keep track of the scores of things we think we have to do. Therefore, we sometimes let hours at a time go by without giving a single thought to our loving Lord.

Then, perhaps, in a moment of realization, we just cast an eye upward in prayer – maybe only for a quick, almost-heartless, almost-unfeeling prayer… and what happens?

Christ’s heart races! If we applied our finite understanding of “fairness,” we would have to say that His heart should not race – He should be angry and cold toward us for ignoring Him – but it does race. Such is the limitless, unsearchable love of God! His love is not a deserved love. It is the undeserved love of grace.


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