Complementary Communication in Marriage

June 22, 2021 at 4:17 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

As a general rule, we don’t like it when people think they see something about us that we don’t see about ourselves. However, our spouses are very likely to do just that. When we observe our spouses’ faults, or when they let us know that they have observed ours, we must balance our observations, and our reactions to these observations, with humility. It is easy to fall into the trap of observing our spouses’ faults while maintiaining an unaware (or selective) blindness to our own faults.  

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12

The Bible will discern your thoughts and intentions better than you can.

The differences in how men and women in general communicate in vastly different ways have been well documented. The challenge in marriage is to communicate wisely, and in a way that strengthens and helps the relationship.

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.

Proverbs 12:18

God designed men and women (and specifically husbands and wives) to complement each other.

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18

Men and women are fundamentally different, but in marriage they are perfectly suited to each other, apart from sin and its influence in a fallen world. Of course, Gospel marriage is redeemed marriage, so the influence of sin can be overcome with God’s help. Ideally, husbands and wives are designed to complement (not “compliment,” although compliments are wonderful ways to communicate) each other.

Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels. Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.

I Corinthians 11:9-12

Things that complement each other are not identical. In fact, they are often nearly, if not exactly, opposite. Perhaps nowhere is this contrast between men and women more glaring than in the area of communication. In order to complement each other and to glorify God in our marital communication, it is important that we remember to:

1. Make time for communication.

But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

Hebrews 3:13

And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

Hebrews 10:24

2. Set aside pride.

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Ephesians 4:29

3. Put in effort.

For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;

Titus 2:11-12

4. Crucify selfishness.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

II Corinthians 5:17

Above all, our communication in marriage must be gracious and honest.

Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

Colossians 4:6

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

John 8:32

Victorious Surrender

June 4, 2021 at 11:07 am | Posted in James | 1 Comment
Tags: , , , , , , ,

James Chapter 4 describes three kinds of wars: wars between Christians; wars within ourselves; and war against God.

Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge. There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?

James 4:11-12

There is a way to disagree without being disagreeable. As we develop the gift of discernment, we learn to observe our brothers and sisters in Christ with an attitude of love rather than sinful judgmentalism. It is easy to fall into the error of thinking that our judgment (like God’s) can not be wrong. God has appointed us to be many things, but “God-like judge” is not one of them. We must examine ourselves to determine if we have a tendency to be judgmental without knowing all the facts.

Normally wars between Christians are a result of the wars in ourselves.

From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?

James 4:1

First comes dissatisfaction with what we have, and a desire to have what we don’t have.

Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

James 4:2

Then comes the idea that the reason we don’t have it is because someone else has it.

Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

James 4:3

When we finally get around to asking God for it, we have forgotten the original reason we wanted it in the first place – which was so we could satisfy our lusts, not glorify God. However, God hasn’t forgotten, so He says no.

Beware of selfishness when praying. When you catch yourself praying selfishly go back and examine the reason why you are praying for these things in the first place.

Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

James 4:4

Are you asking God for the resources to help you be unfaithful to Him? As parents, we want our childern to obey because obedience is for their own good. However, it is possible to be influenced with a selfish motive in this area, too. We don’t want to feel the guilt that would come if we allowed them to be hurt. We need to remember the real reason that we want them to obey, and to avoid being hurt, is that we love them. When you truly love someone, you want that person to be well, AND you don’t want anything to hinder your closeness to him or her. God considers friendship with the world to be adultery committed against Him. It separates us from the fullness of fellowship and presence of the One Who truly loves us.

Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.

James 4:8-9

God says this because He loves us and He wants to lift us up to Himself.

Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

James 4:10

There is no winning the war against God – EXCEPT – in a twist of supreme irony – when we surrender. This is the only war you win by surrendering.

For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.  But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil.

James 4:14-15

When we recognize God as our King – after we have truly surrendered – then He proves His trustworthiness.


Entries and comments feeds.