Mercy and Charlie
August 9, 2023 at 2:36 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 5 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, Christian wedding, Ephesians 5, Genesis 2, Gospel marriage, marriage ceremony, marriage vows, wedding vows
Remarks from my oldest daughter’s wedding on July 15, 2023:
We are gathered here today in the presence of God and in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord to witness and to celebrate this marriage. We thank God for the gift of marriage, and on behalf of the bride and groom and their families, we thank you for coming.
Only very recently in my life have I begun officiating weddings. I honestly don’t feel very qualified. But I must be getting pretty good at them – they brought me all the way to Alaska for this one. Weddings are one of the most joyous occasions we can experience in this life. If you were making a movie or writing a book, and you wanted to guarantee that you would have what is called a “feel-good” ending, one of the most tried and true methods is to make the movie or the book end with a wedding.
Maybe that’s more sentimental than accurate, though, because one of the best things about getting married is that – in real life – it’s not an ending at all. It’s a wonderful beginning.
When my other daughters got married – because they live closer to us than Mercy does – we had an opportunity to get know their fiancés well enough that, when I wanted to say some complimentary things about them, I could talk to their friends and family and do a little research, and make sure what I was going to say was accurate. I’m at a little bit of a disadvantage here, because most of you know Charlie much better than I do. Last summer when we came here we got to know him better, though, and I’m looking forward to many years of having him as a son-in-law, but here are some things we knew about him even before we met him in person:
It says on his Wikipedia page that he can kill a “bear” with his “bare” hands – but he doesn’t want to! He actually wants to avoid all bear-related violence unless he is guiding on a hunting trip. Other than that, if he happens to meet a bear, he wants the bear to go in peace and live a happy and fulfilling life. Another thing we knew about Charlie: If you turn your back on him for more than a few seconds, he will quickly assemble a log cabin all by himself. Another fact: He’s the star of the wildly popular reality television series “The Last Alaskans,” but he doesn’t actually like being in the spotlight.
Those are things we knew about him already, but here are some things we only found out about him after getting to know him: He’s honest, hardworking, trustworthy, kind, patient, and very intelligent (also, he loves Junie B. Jones books).
Seriously, though, we do not think that God could have arranged a better husband for Mercy, and we are very thankful to his parents for raising him, and we know he loves and appreciates them and his sister and the rest of his family and friends, too.
It is strange for me to be doing all this talking while Mercy is standing there silent. That is the opposite of our normal roles. Growing up, the only time I talked this much while she stayed quiet was when she was in trouble. (Mercy, you are not in trouble.)
Charlie, you could not have possibly found a better match or a more wonderful bride. Mercy is funny, adventurous, persuasive, kind-hearted, beautiful, loyal, and trustworthy. She has never been afraid of a challenge. Wherever your lives take you, I can promise that Mercy is the young lady for the job.
I’m very happy for both of you, and I am very happy you are getting married, because, while what I said earlier about marriage being an occasion of great joy is true, it is also more meaningful than just a reason to have a ceremony and a celebration. The same God Who created the mountains of Alaska, and made the salmon swim upstream, and made giant herds of reindeer all migrate at just the right time to just the right places – the same God who did and does all that – is the One Who created and designed marriage. And since He created and designed it, He has the authority to set forth its rules and benefits and blessings, and He has designed it with indicatives and imperatives.
You might think it’s weird for a redneck from Louisiana – who can’t seem to stop pronouncing the “l” in salmon – to come all the way up here and give a grammar lesson, but let’s look at what God has proclaimed in His Word about marriage.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:23
The husband is the head of the wife. That’s an indicative. It’s a statement of fact. It’s objectively true – that’s just how God designed things. But it’s an indicative that comes with an imperative: a command from God, a responsibility, not something that “is,” but something that “ought.”
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Ephesians 5:25
Charlie, you will be the head – like it or not. That means leadership. You can lead the right way or you can lead the wrong way, but you will still be leading. I am thankful that you are a young man who is not afraid of responsibility, because the imperative is to love your wife like Jesus loves His bride, the Church.
Jesus loves sacrificially. He provides. He protects. He listens. He responds. He serves. He gives His life for her. That is what you are promising to do. With God’s help you will not only be able to do it, but you will thrive at it, and you will enjoy it, and it will bring both of you tremendous joy, peace, and fulfillment.
Here is the indicative for wives:
7 And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. 8 And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.
Genesis 2:7-8
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18
That was the first wife, and so we see that God designed wives to be helpers, but not just any old helper; not a gofer or a flunky or a slave or an employee, but a perfectly suited helper; a complementary helper specifically designed to partner with her husband. Because without her he could not be complete. This is a great honor – and a great privilege – one of the great blessings of life – but it, too, is an indicative that is followed by an imperative.
[Let]… the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Ephesians 5:33
You will be a helper whether you help the right way or the wrong way. A wife may help her husband to be strong and to be successful and to be what God has called him to be – or she may help him into the poorhouse, or help to drive him nuts.
I am so excited today because I can see a little of what God must have been thinking when He brought you together. I don’t know what the future holds for you in its specifics, but I do know Who holds that future. I am sure there will be tough times and difficult days, but I am also sure there will be wonderful, inspiring, and exciting days – days of laughter and days of love.
In a moment we are going to hear the bride’s and the groom’s vows, but I want to extend an invitation to anyone who may not really know Jesus. What we all have in common – in addition to our love for Mercy and Charlie – is our sin. God loves you, but He is also holy and just. His Son paid the price for your sins on the Cross, and He rose from the grave. Therefore, He can give you eternal life, bring you into His family through a new birth, and give you a home in Heaven when you leave this world, if you will repent and place your trust in Him alone.
To the groom: Do you take this woman to be your wife in the holy covenant of Christian marriage, promising to love her, honor her, protect her, provide for her, be faithful to her, and to give yourself for her as Christ gave himself for His Church?
Groom: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to her in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with her as long as you both shall live?
Groom: I do.
To the bride: Do you take this man to be your husband, promising to love, reverence, honor, help him, be faithful to him, and to lovingly submit to him as he honors Christ in your marriage?
Bride: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to him in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with him as long as you both shall live?
Groom to bride: I take you to be my wife, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Bride to groom: I take you to be my husband, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Groom to bride: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Bride to groom: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Prayer: Lord God, we ask you to bless this covenant of marriage between Joey and Juliette. Please help them to honor the vows that they have made today, and give them a joyful, fruitful, loving, Gospel-centered, Christ-honoring, and grace-fueled marriage, so that their love for You and for each other grows greater, deeper, and richer each day. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord we pray. Amen.
Considering the vows you have made today and in view of what the Bible says about the glorious gift of marriage, I am pleased to pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.
Keeping in mind that there are paparazzi hiding in the bushes with telephotos lenses, you may now give each other an appropriate kiss.
The Household Code: Husbands and Wives
May 9, 2023 at 1:54 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 4 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, commentary on Ephesians, Ephesians 5, Gospel marriage, household code, husbands, husbands and wives, Sunday School lessons on Ephesians, wives
Some commentators call the section of Scripture which begins in Ephesians 5:21 or 5:22 the “household code.” It consists of three groups of two pairs. They all have the same pattern: the first member of the pair addressed is the member who is required to submit to the second member. The second member is granted authority. Each is given a command, and each is given a motivation.
For wives, the command is to submit to their husbands. The motivation is that the husband is the head of the wife, and that he represents Christ in a picture of Christ and His relationship to the Church.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22
Wives are commanded to submit to their OWN husbands, not other husbands, and not men in general, and they are commanded to submit “as unto the Lord.” Wives should think of it as doing it FOR the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:23
The husband is not the head of the wife in the sense that he is the source of her power to walk in righteousness. No, only Christ Himself is the head/source in that sense. The husband is the head of the wife in an authoritative sense – the way a general in the army would be the head of an inferior-ranked soldier. Husbands and wives are equal in value, but ordered in rank. Husbands are “saviors” of their wives in the sense of protection, provision, and purpose, but not in the sense of spiritual salvation. This is talking about how Christ cares for His Church, not how He pays for its sins (although He does both).
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:24
Wives are to be subject to their own husbands in every thing, not just the easy, agreeable things.
For husbands, the command is to love their wives. The motivation is Christ’s giving of Himself for the Church. Note how many more verses and words are dedicated to addressing husbands than wives. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that husbands get more authority than responsibility, or more privilege than accountability.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Ephesians 5:25
Just as the command to submit meant a special voluntary submission, this “love” is a special, self-sacrificial, directing-toward-righteousness type of love. For those who like to imagine marital love as being inextricably linked (and limited) to things like red roses, sentimental poetry, sunset walks on the beach, and cuddles next to a roaring fire on a cold winter night, I am sorry to report that the type of love commanded in Ephesians 5:25 is not emotional love. It is active love. It’s deciding and doing, not doting and dreaming. Christ “gave Himself;” He died for the Church. But He also lived – and lives – for the Church.
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Ephesians 5:26
This was previously shown in Ephesians. The motivating love and electing grace of God was directed toward saving and sanctifying a pure and holy people. Husbands are to sanctify (a positive setting-apart) their wives, and to cleanse (a negative removal of spiritual stains and dirt) them. This is not to be done through worldly means, but through the active and living and cleansing and transforming Word.
Keep Your Head on a Swivel
April 14, 2023 at 11:14 am | Posted in Ephesians | 6 CommentsTags: Biblical submission, circumspect, commentary on Ephesians, Ephesians 5, submission in marriage, Sunday School lessons on Ephesians, thanksgiving
See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,
Ephesians 5:15
Circumspectly is made up of two parts. The first is “circum,” meaning “around,” as in: circumnavigation; circumference; circumcision. The second is “spect,” which means looking, as in: spectacle and spectacular. To walk “circumspectly” is to walk while “looking around” – to walk carefully. When we “follow the Leader” (Jesus) we will avoid spiritual danger and sin.
18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; 19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;
Ephesians 5:18-19
Drunks mutter to themselves, and they waste time, opportunities, and lives. Instead of filling up with alcohol, we must fill up with the Holy Spirit. That way, even when we speak to ourselves, we will be edified and joyful. We will “make melody” in our hearts – pleasant sounds.
Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;
Ephesians 5:20
The time to give thanks is always. What to give thanks for is all things.
There is a big debate about whether Verse 21 should be considered the first verse of new paragraph, but I believe it is actually a segue that transitions from speaking to ourselves into submitting to others.
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Ephesians 5:21
Of course, the idea of general submission is a good segue into specific submission in marriage:
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:22-24
An Indicative Marriage (For Husbands)
April 12, 2023 at 1:48 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 6 CommentsTags: Biblical grammar, Biblical headship, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, dominance, Ephesians 5, husbands, John 13, marriage
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:23
When we study the Bible we will get more out of it if we have some basic understanding of language and grammar and reading comprehension. In the Bible there are indicatives and imperatives. Imperatives are commands or “oughts.” Examples:
“Help me move this podium.”
“Make sure the podium is already here before the teacher comes into the classroom.”
“Let the podium always be placed in front of the speaker.”
On the other hand, indicatives are declarative statements. They declare what “is,” not necessarily what “ought” to be. Example:
“The podium is now in front of me.”
This is a statement of fact, not a command or the expression of a desire.
Ephesians 5:23 often gets mistaken for an imperative, when in fact it is an indicative. We might infer certain imperatives from it, although we don’t really need to, because the imperatives are spelled out below it. Or we might ask, concerning the fact that it states, “Why does it have to be that way?” (Because God MADE it – designed it – that way, would be the answer.) But we must not ignore it, or think of it as a goal to reach rather than a description of reality.
The husband is the head of the wife in marriage. That’s a part of what marriage, by definition, really is. The word “husband” is translated from the Greek word aner which can mean “man,” but we know when it means “husband” (married man) by the context. In Hebrew it’s is, pronounced “eesh,” and it means the same thing. In English it is from the Old English husbonda or husbondi, and before that, in Norse, it was: hus = house; bond = cultivator, tiller, steward. A “husband” is in charge of a household and is responsible for maintaining the household, cultivating the household, making it productive, providing for the household, and protecting the household. According to the Bible, he is also responsible for the spiritual welfare of the household, including the material and spiritual welfare of his wife. He is the “head” of his wife, and he is the member of the marriage with the most responsibility. He is the one where “the buck stops here” whether anybody wants it to or not, when it comes to answering to God, and when it comes to simple, definitional reality.
If the head dies, the body dies. If the head gets cut off, the body ceases to function. But if the head is full of stupidity or sinfulness or laziness, or if it goes to sleep, or if it rebels against its intended function – it is still the head. We need to acknowledge this and accept it – not because if don’t it won’t be true – but because it’s going to remain true whether we accept it or not.
13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. 16 Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.
John 13:13-16
Jesus is a “Master” (a teacher), but He is also a “Lord:” a dominus, from which we get the words “dominate” and “dominance.” We have a tendency to dislike these words because the world and worldly philosophies, and mostly feminism (in which evil men use female spokespersons to hurt women), have infected our way of thinking. Most people think that being dominant is some wicked, chauvinistic cruelty, and of course it CAN be, but that is not the primary misuse of it in marriage. It is the one that gets the most attention because it fits a popular narrative, but, remember, marriage, by definition, involves dominance. The question is whether it will be accurate, Gospel-reflective, God-honoring dominance, or whether it will be evil dominance which lies about God and His Gospel.
A husband can dominate through absence and abdication. This happens in many cases where an absentee husband dominates BECAUSE he is willfully missing in action. In other cases it happens because the husband is merely lazy. Husbands are called and commanded to emulate Jesus in their dominance, and Jesus is certainly not absent. He is not lazy. He does not ignore or avoid His bride. He is not in Heaven’s workshop or “man cave” or private office, collecting stamps or playing a videogame or refurbishing an old Model T while His people are lonely and without guidance.
We must admit that other husbands do in fact dominate through tyranny and abuse. They have not shirked an awareness of their dominance, but they have usurped it as a means to satisfy their cruel selfishness. These husbands are often caricatured, and are not as prevalent as ideologues with certain agendas would have you think, but that doesn’t mean they are not real. These are the husbands who misread Ephesians 5:23 as an imperative and wear it like a crown and brandish it like a scepter or a cudgel, instead of reading like the indicative that it is and falling on their knees before God and “husbanding” their marriage with strong humility and meekness as they lead and serve at the same time. You can’t be a gentleman unless you are a man, but you also can’t be a gentleman if you can’t control your selfishness and be gentle.
Next time, we will look at the indicatives for wives.
An Aromatic Marriage
December 26, 2022 at 1:55 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 5 CommentsTags: 2 Corinthians 1, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, commentary on Ephesians, Ecclesiastes 4, Ephesians 5, Psalm 139, Psalm 51, Romans 12, Sunday School lessons on Ephesians
And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
Ephesians 5:2
How does your home smell? Enticing and pleasant like fried chicken or homemade rolls? Or foul and malignant like a possum died in the attic two weeks ago and his sweltering corpse is still up there permeating the air vents? In order for our marriages to be pleasing to God, they must smell good. They must have the aroma that Jesus’s life and sacrificial death had to God. Having a marriage that smells good to God means walking in love.
I. An aromatic marriage is a welcoming marriage.
Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.
Romans 12:9
This means that our love must be real, genuine love – authentic love, not fake love or hypocritical love. Some unpleasant smells can be temporarily covered up or disguised by introducing stronger, more pleasant smells to override the bad smell, but usually this only emphasizes the stench. Pouring Chanel No. 5 into a jug of sour milk isn’t really going to help, and some smells just can’t be removed by Febreze or Plugins. The advertisements for most odor-eliminating products contrast their effectiveness with attempts to merely “mask” bad odors. Masking a bad odor: what an apt description of hypocrisy! Real Christian love is not putting on a mask to try to hide a lack of love.
Furthermore, we are not the best judges of the smell of our own homes. People who work or live in places where horrible smells are ubiquitous tend to become “nose-blind” or oblivious because they have simply gotten used to them. We don’t want to “get used to” the problems in our marriages. Sometimes deep-cleaning is the only solution for really removing bad odors and creating a sweet-smelling atmosphere. Deep-cleaning in our marriages must consist of spiritual cleansing.
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24
This is an important part of giving our marriages a welcoming, sweet-smelling aroma: asking God to search us and let us know how we really smell. Getting used to sin is not the way to deal with sin – which leads to the second part of deep-cleaning your marriage: searching your heart and REPENTING.
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
If unkind words, harsh attitudes, unforgiveness, refusing to communicate, deceitfulness, or other areas of conflict or sin are removed, it won’t matter for long if the practices just start right up again. Repentance is more than just admitting wrong. It is turning around and changing. Repentant marriages will be aromatic because they will be welcoming, with organic, natural, real love.
II. An aromatic marriage is a warm marriage.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
Ephesians 5:28-29 (emphasis added)
The Greek word translated as “cherisheth” here is thalpo, and it literally means to keep warm.
A marriage which smells good to the Lord is a warm marriage. Generally, pleasant smells are carried better on warm air currents than cold breezes. That’s one reason why scented candles are so popular, and why so many good smells emanate from the oven and the stove. If your freezer is the only appliance in your house giving off an odor, that’s probably a bad sign.
It is the husband’s responsibility to keep the marriage warm. He is primarily in charge of the temperature of the marriage (including the thermostat! – just kidding). Now, he has a much easier job if the wife is cooperative.
Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
The husband, being the leader in the marriage (leadership roles are assigned by God) must do everything he can to make sure that neither spouse is lying down alone, but, of course, I’m not just talking about physical warmth here. I’m talking about the atmosphere of the marital home and the marriage itself. The atmosphere needs to be comforting as well as exciting.
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
II Corinthians 1:3-4
A husband must take comfort himself in God, and let his wife see that He is right with God, and then he must lead and guide her into a right relationship with God. The kind of comfort that comes from a good job, a nice home, frequent vacation getaways, and those warmth-producing bed covers called “comforters” can be nice, but those are cold comfort compared to the warmth of knowing that you both know the Lord and are serving Him together and that you are under His care. An aromatic marriage consists of a relationship that is warm, where the wife knows she is cherished, and which is both exciting and comforting.
III. An aromatic marriage is a walking marriage.
And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
Ephesians 5:2 (emphasis added)
The idea of “walking” is a prominent motif in the Book of Ephesians. In order to make our marriages smell good we need to be living consistently in certain ways, and these ways are not mysterious. They have been clearly shown to us by Christ. He is the One we are to imitate, but how does a married person imitate Christ in marriage, when He was never married? You will not find any vignettes in Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John of Jesus coming home from work, greeting His spouse with a kiss, and sitting down at the table to help with homework or eat supper with the family. What you will see, though, is the ways in which Jesus loved His bride, the Church.
He was consistent and faithful in His walk as He loved, served, and ultimately saved His Church. Erratic love won’t comfort your spouse, and it will make your marriage stink. Conditional love won’t make your spouse feel cherished or respected, and it will make your marriage reek. Love based on emotions or mere professions, and not on action, will poison the air of your marriage. Convenient, non-sacrificial love will make your marriage smell like a skunk wearing a rearview-mirror pine tree ornament. An aromatic marriage is one in which the spouses are imitating Christ as they walk in love – loving consistently and faithfully.
IV. An aromatic marriage is a worshipful marriage.
And there came unto me one of the seven angels which had the seven vials full of the seven last plagues, and talked with me, saying, Come hither, I will shew thee the bride, the Lamb’s wife.
Revelation 21:9
Eventually and eternally in Heaven the Bride of Christ will be shown in glory. Our marriages should smell good, like a properly-prepared bride.
Not everyone agrees on exactly how a bride should prepare for her wedding. Some wear beautiful (and expensive) gowns. Some wear yoga pants and cowboy boots. Some dress up like Pokemons.
Regardless of some differences of opinion on what to wear at the wedding, though, I hope we can all agree that she ought to at least take a bath – to try to smell good. In order for us to smell good to God we must “smell” like Jesus. In order for our marriages to accurately depict the “marriage to the Lamb of God” we need to make sure that God is being worshiped in our marriages.
Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
Psalm 100:2
When we are rejoicing in marriage, remember to worship (serve) God with that joy.
I will sing a new song unto thee, O God: upon a psaltery and an instrument of ten strings will I sing praises unto thee. It is he that giveth salvation unto kings: who delivereth David his servant from the hurtful sword.
Psalm 144:9-10
During a serious disagreement in your marriage, worship God with that disagreement.
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.
Isaiah 61:3
In sadness and grief and mourning, worship God.
When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.
Psalm 27:10
In times of confusion or feeling misunderstood, worship God by acknowledging and appealing to Him.
Modesty and Louis
December 2, 2021 at 2:45 pm | Posted in Ephesians, Uncategorized | 7 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, Ephesians 5, Gospel marriage, John 3, John the Baptist, marriage, marriage ceremony, marriage vows, wedding vows
Remarks from my second daughter’s (and the second to get married) wedding on October 24, 2021:
We are gathered here today in the presence of God and in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord to witness and to celebrate this marriage. We thank God for the gift of marriage, and on behalf of the bride and groom and their families, we thank you for coming.
This is my second time to do this in the same year, and I thought it would be easier the second time, but it’s not.
My wife and I love marriage and we love weddings, but when it’s your own daughter, the feeling is bittersweet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s only 10% bitter and 90% sweet (which is pretty sweet), but it’s tough to remember your adult daughter as a baby and a young child and not wonder at how fast the time went. You can’t really get rid of – and you wouldn’t to – that image of a little girl playing dress-up as a four year old bride – or an eight year old bride – or, in my daughter’s case, still playing dress-up when she was 18!
All of our daughters are special to us – just as I know the groom is very special to his parents and grandparents and family. There comes a time as a parent when you have to shift your perspective and remember that God’s plan for most young people is to get married and start their own family. I think weddings are joyous things – and they very much help in that transition. I was thinking the other day about Bible verses that talk about marriage and a strange one came to mind.
Some of you know who John the Baptist is from the Bible, but in case you’re not as familiar, he came onto the scene right before Jesus, and he had a pretty big ministry. He was baptizing many people. That’s why they called him John the Baptist (the Baptizer).
After Jesus showed up and started His own ministry some of John’s disciples thought John might be a little upset, so they came to him and said, “Everybody’s going over to Jesus now instead of following you as much. What do you think about that?” Now, my daughter is known for being competitive (the groom is a little more irenic, so I think they’re going to balance each other out), and in competition – especially in sports – every play makes someone happy and someone upset. But John the Baptist wasn’t playing a game. He told them that his whole ministry had two main messages: (1) “The Messiah is coming;” and (2) “I’m not Him.”
He that hath the bride is the bridegroom: but the friend of the bridegroom, which standeth and heareth him, rejoiceth greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice: this my joy therefore is fulfilled.
John 3:29
That’s one of the great things about marriage: Nobody should be upset. Everybody is happy. We have been preparing the bride, and the groom’s family has been preparing the groom, and grandparents and aunts and uncles and friends and relatives have all played a part in helping to make them the people they are today, so today we rejoice. It’s their special day, and they are the happiest ones here, but we are all filled with joy for them and because of them, so, before we get to the vows, let me read one short passage of Scripture from the Bible that gives God’s revelation about what marriage really means:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Ephesians 5:22-33
This is the Word of God. Christian marriage was designed by God to be an illustration of the relationship between Christ and His Church. The husband represents Christ, Who is the Head of the Church. Groom, you must cherish the bride and give yourself for her. You must love, serve, sacrifice, and provide for her. Bride, you must willing submit to the groom, and serve, love, honor, and respect Him. This is going to be for your good, but it is a big responsibility, too. You need show the world the glory of Christ, and what it means to love and serve like Him.
The rest of us are celebrating, but we have a big responsibility here, too. As true friends and family members, we need to commit to pray for the bride and groom, that the groom would be safe on his job, and that the bride would continue to influence and teach children, which is what she’s been called by God to do.
This marriage is about the bride and the groom. It’s about the people who love and care for them. But first and foremost it is about God and His Gospel. God is loving, but He is also just. Y’all are some of the finest people I know, but we’re all sinners. Sinners are people who have broken God’s law and must be punished by a just judge. HOWEVER, God has made a way for forgive sinners. He sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ the Lord, to take our sins on Himself and carry them to the Cross and pay for them in full. He laid down His life, He was buried and He rose again. He is alive today, seated at the right hand of the Father, and He will give you a new heart, eternal life, and a guaranteed home in Heaven if you repent, believe, and trust in Him alone.
Now, we will hear the groom’s and bride’s vows:
To the groom: Do you take this woman to be your wife in the holy covenant of Christian marriage, promising to love her, honor her, protect her, provide for her, be faithful to her, and to give yourself for her as Christ gave himself for His Church?
Groom: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to her in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with her as long as you both shall live?
Groom: I do.
To the bride: Do you take this man to be your husband, promising to love, reverence, honor, help him, be faithful to him, and to lovingly submit to him as he honors Christ in your marriage?
Bride: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to him in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with him as long as you both shall live?
Groom to bride: I take you to be my wife, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Bride to groom: I take you to be my husband, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Groom to bride: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Bride to groom: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Prayer: Lord God, we ask you to bless this covenant of marriage between Joey and Juliette. Please help them to honor the vows that they have made today, and give them a joyful, fruitful, loving, Gospel-centered, Christ-honoring, and grace-fueled marriage, so that their love for You and for each other grows greater, deeper, and richer each day. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord we pray. Amen.
Considering the vows you have made today and in view of what the Bible says about the glorious gift of marriage, I am pleased to pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.
Keeping in mind that you are in public, you may give each other an appropriate kiss.
Juliette and Joey
October 28, 2021 at 12:29 pm | Posted in Ephesians, Uncategorized | 4 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, Ephesians 5, Gospel marriage, marriage, marriage in the Bible, marriage vows, wedding ceremony, wedding vows
Remarks from my third daughter’s (the first to get married) wedding on February 12, 2021:
We are gathered here today in the presence of God and in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord to witness and to celebrate this marriage. We thank God for the gift of marriage, and on behalf of the bride and groom and their families, we thank you for coming.
This is an emotional day for my wife and I. I suspect it is for some of you as well. In our marriage my wife is in charge of the emotions. I don’t do emotions very well. I’m in charge of laundry and killing spiders.
When you are the father of a daughter, the idea that she will one day get married takes some getting used to. It’s hard to imagine anyone loving your daughter enough to take care of her the way you would want her to be taken care of. Like anything in life, though, prayer helps a lot. We started praying a long time ago that if it is God’s will for our daughter to be married, He would provide the right husband for her, and we believe He has done that. We prayed for him before we knew him. I’m sure his parents prayed for our daughter to come along one day, too.
My wife and I describe our daughter with words like humble, caring, smart, funny, and extraordinarily kind. We haven’t known the groom nearly as long, but we believe that he is hardworking, trustworthy, attentive, and supportive of other people, and that he cares about things that really matter.
So today we are seeing a good example of prayers being answered. (Maybe not concerning the weather, but concerning the marriage.) Aside from Jesus saving me from the penalty of my sins and giving me eternal life, marriage has been the greatest blessing of my life. I highly recommend it to everyone. And because God has helped us to think about it correctly, today is a day of great rejoicing. Plus, it’s only day number one of a lifetime of greater and greater blessings and greater and greater joys.
Let me read a short passage of Scripture from the Bible that gives God’s revelation of what marriage really means:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Ephesians 5:22-33
This is the Word of God, Who invented and designed marriage, and Who has ordained it. The first marriage occurred between the first man and the first woman, Adam and Eve, and for centuries people found great joy in marriages that honored God. However, it was not until the days of the New Testament that the Holy Spirit fully revealed the mystery of God’s true purpose in marriage. Christian marriage was designed by God to be an illustration of the relationship between Christ and His Church.
The husband represents Christ, Who is the Head of the Church. He cherishes the people that make up His Church, and He gave Himself for them. He loves, serves, sacrifices, and provides for His Church. In the same way, a husband must selflessly love, cherish, and serve his wife, sacrificing for her, providing for her, and giving himself for her, directing her toward righteousness in Christ Jesus.
The wife represents the Church, who willingly submits to Jesus, seeking to serve, love, honor, and respect Him. A Christian wife must lovingly and willingly submit to her husband as he himself submits to Christ. She must be a helper and show him reverence.
In this way, not only will the husband and wife grow closer to each other, and find great joy in their marriage, but they will help each other draw closer and closer to Jesus, and they will show the world the glory of Christ and what it means to love and serve like Him.
I would encourage each of you in attendance today, as friends and family members, to pray for Joey and Juliette and their marriage, that they would accurately symbolize the Gospel of Jesus Christ in their marriage. I would also encourage you, as faithful friends and fellow Christians, to be available whenever possible to show your loyalty to Jesus and to the groom and the bride by only giving them help or advice that is consistent with the Word of God.
If any of this sounds foreign to you, or you’re wondering about the difference between Christian marriage and marriage in general, or if you’re not completely sure what I mean when I talk about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, allow me to show you from the Bible how you can have eternal life by trusting in Jesus.
Now, we will hear the groom’s and bride’s vows.
To the groom: Do you take this woman to be your wife in the holy covenant of Christian marriage, promising to love her, honor her, protect her, provide for her, be faithful to her, and to give yourself for her as Christ gave himself for His Church?
Groom: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to her in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with her as long as you both shall live?
Groom: I do.
To the bride: Do you take this man Scott to be your husband, promising to love, reverence, honor, help him, be faithful to him, and to lovingly submit to him as he honors Christ in your marriage?
Bride: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to him in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with him as long as you both shall live?
Groom to bride: I take you to be my wife, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Bride to groom: I take you to be my husband, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Groom to bride: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Bride to groom: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Prayer: Lord God, we ask you to bless this covenant of marriage between Joey and Juliette. Please help them to honor the vows that they have made today, and give them a joyful, fruitful, loving, Gospel-centered, Christ-honoring, and grace-fueled marriage, so that their love for You and for each other grows greater, deeper, and richer each day. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord we pray. Amen.
Considering the vows you have made today and in view of what the Bible says about the glorious gift of marriage, I am pleased to pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.
Now you may give each other a publicly appropriate kiss.
Heart Conditions: Cut and Clean, or Corrupted and Conquered
June 8, 2020 at 1:01 pm | Posted in Jeremiah | 3 CommentsTags: circumcised in heart, clean heart, commentary on Jeremiah, Ephesians 5, heart problems, Jeremiah 4, Josiah, Sunday School lessons on Jeremiah
Jeremiah 4 deals with the question of what we would expect to see in the lives of people who are truly repentant. Jeremiah attacked their hearts and he got extreme about it.
Circumcise yourselves to the LORD, and take away the foreskins of your heart, ye men of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem: lest my fury come forth like fire, and burn that none can quench it, because of the evil of your doings.
Jeremiah 4:4
These were men who were all circumcised outwardly, but God told them to go deeper. Don’t just do the external. Make the external symbolic of the internal reality. Cut your heart away from its own excess. Cut your heart off from outside sinful, worldly influences, and separate yourself unto the Lord. The way to escape real wrath is to acknowledge and separate from real evil – the evil of your “doings.” God is not fooled by our “sayings.” Unless we have a cut heart, we will wind up with a conquered heart.
For the people of Judah, they would be literally conquered by their enemies. For you and I, we will be conquered by whatever we love more than God. Our idols may be vanity when it comes to real deliverance, but they can really turn on us viciously once we have totally given ourselves over to them.
And it shall come to pass at that day, saith the LORD, that the heart of the king shall perish, and the heart of the princes; and the priests shall be astonished, and the prophets shall wonder.
Jeremiah 4:9
A heart conquered by God will be set free to flourish and will be given new life. A heart conquered by vanity shall perish: a cut heart or a conquered heart.
The other expectation of someone who is truly repentant is a desire to have a clean heart.
O Jerusalem, wash thine heart from wickedness, that thou mayest be saved. How long shall thy vain thoughts lodge within thee?
Jeremiah 4:14
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Ephesians 5:25-26
The Word of God is a cleansing agent for the heart. Josiah had found the scroll of the Law of God in the Temple, and had instituted some reforms, but, as we’ve seen, outward reforms can sometimes mask inward hypocrisy. It’s good to read the Word of God. It’s better to memorize it. It’s even better to study it. But it has to get past the ears and the surface of the brain, and down into the heart where the real scrubbing needs to occur. Our hearts are not just a little dusty. They are inwardly filthy – apart from Christ.
As keepers of a field, are they against her round about; because she hath been rebellious against me, saith the LORD.
Jeremiah 4:17
The people had rebelled against God – very intentionally, and very personally.
Thy way and thy doings have procured these things unto thee; this is thy wickedness, because it is bitter, because it reacheth unto thine heart.
Jeremiah 4:18
They had done this to themselves. It was wickedness. And it had corrupted their hearts.
My bowels, my bowels! I am pained at my very heart; my heart maketh a noise in me; I cannot hold my peace, because thou hast heard, O my soul, the sound of the trumpet, the alarm of war.
Jeremiah 4:19
Sin is not going to be painless. It can hurt us in the conviction, or it can hurt us in the consequences. Jeremiah himself, in a foreshadowing of Christ, felt empathetically the pain which the figuratively corrupt heart inflicts on the literal heart. His internal organs hurt. His heart actually hurt. What kind of noise does a heart make? Thumping! The end was not just near, it was here. Will we have cut hearts? It might hurt, but not as much as a conquered heart. Will we have cleansed hearts? Again, it might hurt, but not as much as the attack, pain, and failure of a corrupted heart.
Why Not Get Divorced?
March 29, 2019 at 4:16 pm | Posted in Ephesians, Q&A | 7 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, divorce, divorce counseling, Ephesians 5, Gospel marriage, marriage, marriage counseling, Numbers 30, unhappy marriage
Question: I know I’m a Christian, but I’m completely unhappy in this marriage. I don’t love my spouse anymore, and I don’t think my spouse really loves me. I’m miserable, and I deserve to be happy. I just want to get out and start over. Can you give me one good reason not to get divorced?
Answer: I can give several reasons, but I’ll give you three right off the top of my head.
1. God designed your marriage to be an illustration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the most important thing in the universe. If you take the gift of marriage which God gave you, and you choose to mar the illustration or to portray it inaccurately and misrepresent what it means by getting divorced, then you are telling the world that Jesus does not love His bride, the Church (Christians), with an everlasting, forgiving, unbreakable love. The reality is, in your own life, you have hurt Christ more than your spouse has hurt you, and Christ has been through far worse for you than anything you’ve had to endure in your marriage, yet He loves you eternally. You would be dishonoring the Savior Who died for you if you choose divorce. See Ephesians 5:22-32.
2. You will be breaking a solemn vow that you made before God. Unless you had some sort of wacky pagan wedding ceremony, you and your spouse promised each other that you would stay together until death, and the name of God was invoked. It is a dangerous and foolish thing to break a vow made before the holy God. See Ecclesiastes 5:4-6 and Numbers 30:2.
3. Your children. Children do not benefit from divorce. In most cases they either witness conflict or become a part of it, but, even in cases where the divorcing parents get along relatively well for the sake of the kids, it still sends a message that the two people they love most in the world did not love them enough to stay married, and it will affect them later on if not now.
There are many, many more reasons not to get divorced, including the fact that God hates it, and the choice to do it effectively places your happiness in a place of exaltation above God’s revealed will and the belief that He can overcome temporary unhappiness and misery with eternal joy when we patiently wait, obey, and trust Him.
Finally, I strongly recommend that you meet with someone for serious counseling who knows and understands what the Bible teaches about marriage before you go through with this. Once you announce your intention to be divorced or state that your marriage is making you miserable, you will attract a certain group of people that you love and trust, and who genuinely think they have your best interest at heart, and many if not most will encourage you to get divorced, and tell you that it’s not that bad. You owe it to yourself to speak with someone who will stand up for Christ and present His point of view to you, even if it’s not necessarily what you want to hear, or even if it comes from someone who doesn’t have as close a relationship with you as those who are telling you to go through with it.
The Deep End 
Negative and Positive Charges for a Walk in the Light
August 17, 2023 at 1:28 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 2 CommentsTags: Biblical chiasms, Biblical light, Biblical walking, chiastic structure, commentary on Ephesians, Ephesians 4, Ephesians 5, Sunday School lessons on Ephesians
There is a chiastic structure that carries over from the end of Ephesians Chapter 4 into Chapter 5. The chiasm looks like this:
negative
positive
positive
negative
The first negative is an expression of what NOT to do: Stop being bitter, sinfully angry, evil in your communications.
Ephesians 4:31
The first positive tells us what TO do: Be kind and forgiving.
Ephesians 4:32
The second positive is a command to walk in Christ, imitating God, the way little children imitate their fathers or parents.
Ephesians 5:1-2
Jesus not only gave a perfect offering on the Cross – He WAS the offering. He was both Priest and spotless Lamb. He offered HIMSELF. What “smells good” to God is the kind of sacrifice that comes from the heart and is sacrificial and loving toward others.
The second negative prohibits us from fooling around with sexual sin in deed or word or desire.
Ephesians 5:3
Fornication includes any species of sexual immorality. Covetousness is also highlighted, reminding us that it was not an attempt to be technically exhaustive which caused the Holy Spirit to list coveting your neighbor’s wife in Commandment No. 10.
Ephesians 5:4
So-called “locker room talk” which involves crass sexual innuendo or jocular vulgarity, profanity, or cursing has no place in Christian conversation.
Ephesians 5:5
This is a description of the types of behavior we would expect to see in someone who has not been regenerated/transformed into a new creature: people whose activities are still their primary identities.
Ephesians 5:8
Light is necessary for fruit to grow. Also, light versus darkness is symbolic of good versus evil. The ancient connection of white and black to good and evil does not come from skin color. It comes from the Bible. Light exposes reality (what’s really there).
Ephesians 5:10
Living in the light will demonstrate the authenticity (or the hypocrisy) of your profession of faith. The having of light invites the nullification of darkness.
Ephesians 5:11
We must do our part to make sure the contrast between God’s Kingdom and the world is stark and clear – sharply delineated. Light keeps people out of trouble.
Ephesians 5:12
Spiritual light is a reflected light, not a self-generated light; it is a gift from Christ. Ephesians 5:1-15 brings us back “full-circle” to the concept of “walking.”
Ephesians 5:15