Marriage Diagnostic Questions

April 28, 2023 at 3:35 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
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Below is a list of questions and corresponding Bible verses which I have found helpful in marriage counseling and in teaching married couples what the Bible says about marriage. These are designed to diagnose or troubleshoot potential problems in marriages, or, if no trouble is currently existent, then to shore up and safeguard and protect against the onset of some of the more common issues that arise to cause problems in marriages. Alternatively, they could be used to improve marriages just by giving more insight and awareness in how we think, and therefore inevitably behave, as Christian spouses. I did not provide answers to the multiple-choice questions, because they are really intended more as conversation-starters or the jumping-off point for deeper thinking about how to apply the Bible to our marriages. My prayer is that they will be helpful and Christ-honoring.

  1. How do you respond to your spouse?
    a.Warmly
    b. Neutrally
    c. Disdainfully
    d. Positively
    e. Negatively

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Philippians 2:3-4

Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord: his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth.

Hosea 6:3

2. How do you prioritize your marriage?
a. On the sidelines of my life
b. On the to-do list
c. Vitally important

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

I Peter 3:1-2

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

I Peter 3:7

3. How do you appreciate your spouse?
a. Admiration
b. Take him/her for granted
c. Not impressed

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Ephesians 5:22

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

I Peter 3:7

4. Are you and your spouse unified?
a. Emotionally
b. Physically
c. Spiritually
d. Socially

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

5. What do you do when your spouse aggravates you?
a. Let him/her know about it
b. Try to keep it to myself
c. Respond with kindness
d. Respond with charity

Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.

I Peter 3:8-9

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

I Peter 4:8

6. What is your level of commitment to your marriage?
a. ‘Til death do us part.
b. Keeping an eye on a line which must not be crossed
c. Nobody knows what tomorrow holds

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Mark 10:7-9

7. How often do you give thanks for your marriage?
a. Big life events
b. When my spouse treats me right
c. Every day
d. During regularly scheduled prayer time

Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;

Ephesians 5:20

8. What are your conditions for forgiving your spouse?
a. Must ask for forgiveness first
b. Evidence of true repentance
c. Forgive freely

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:32

9. What is the goal of your marriage?
a. Financial security
b. Happiness and contentment
c. To make my spouse what I want him/her to be
d. To glorify God and advertise the Gospel of Jesus Christ in a lost world

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Ephesians 5:31-32

John Eliot Helped People to S.W.I.M. Plainly

April 25, 2023 at 3:15 pm | Posted in Isaiah | 3 Comments
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… [H]is way of preaching was very plain; so that the very lambs might wade into his discourses on those texts and themes, wherein elephants might swim.

Cotton Mather in his eulogy for John Eliot

He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.

Isaiah 40:11

So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.

John 21:15

For Goodness’s Sake

April 20, 2023 at 3:17 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments
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22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

You have probably heard the Christmas song which says, referring to Santa Claus, that he knows when you’ve been good or bad, so you had better be good for goodness’s sake. Admittedly, being good is good, but you can’t really be good for goodness’s sake.

Goodness is not really one of the fruits of the Spirit listed above in Galatians 5:22-23. It is as actually listed as part of THE fruit (singular) of the Spirit. All those character qualities – love, peace, gentleness, goodness, etc. – are part of what the Holy Spirit produces in the lives of people who trust Jesus.

One time someone came up to Jesus and asked Him about what it means to be good.

And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?

Matthew 19:16

When you see the word “master” in the Bible it sometimes means “teacher.” This young man wanted eternal life, and he had heard that Jesus was a really good teacher when it came to teaching about God, so he asked Him what he would have to do in order to live forever with God in Heaven. Do you ever wonder about that? Do you ever wonder if you will go to Heaven one day? Everybody is not going to Heaven. What do you have to do to make sure that you are one of the ones who IS going?

I used to think kind of like this young man who came up to Jesus. I thought God was up in Heaven sort of like the scorekeeper at a ball game. I referenced a song earlier about someone who’s supposed to see you when you’re sleeping and who is supposed to know when you’re awake, and I thought that’s what God did, too. And I was right about that part. God does do that. He knows everything we do every minute of our whole lives, and everything we say, and everything we think. He sees it all and hears it all and knows it all. Only God can do that.

I thought He was keeping track of the bad things I did (like lying, fighting with my brother, disobeying my parents and teachers) and of the good things I did (like cleaning up my room, getting an A in reading, saying yes ma’am and no sir to adults). Then, I thought, when I died one day, He would add up the good things and the bad things, and if there were more points on the good side, I could go to Heaven – I could have eternal life.

I must not have gotten that idea from the Bible, though! Because look what Jesus said when the young man asked Him about it:

And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.

Matthew 19:17

First of all, Jesus asked him, why are you calling Me good? God is the only good person in the whole universe.

10 As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: 11 There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. 12 They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.

Romans 3:10-12

They say that there is an exception to every rule, and, while this is not really true, there is sort of an exception to the rule about there not being a good person anywhere at anytime: No human being has ever been truly good on his or her own EXCEPT for Jesus. Jesus was not a mere man, but He WAS a man. He was man and God in one person. So, when the Bible says that no one does good, no not one, it means that no human being has ever been good or done good in this world on his or her own, except for Jesus.

Only God is truly good, and the only truly good human being to ever live is the “God-man,” Christ Jesus. However, those who have trusted in Jesus CAN bear the part of the fruit of the Spirit called goodness. We do this by doing good works. Helping other people in a God-glorifying way is a good work. Being kind to others is a good work. Helping someone who is having a tough time is a good work. Faithfully attending a local Christian church is a good work. Studying your Bible and sharing what you have learned with others is a good work. Obeying those who have God-given authority over you is a good work. We need the Holy Spirit’s help to do these things in a way that pleases God. But what about the people who haven’t trusted Jesus? Don’t they still do some of those things? They do. But when unbelievers do things that seem good, those things don’t please God, because they are not done in Him, or for Him, or with a motive of glorifying Him. Some people attempt to do good so that they will get credit for it. Some people attempt to do good so that they will receive a reward. Some people attempt to do good out of a sense of guilt. Some people try to do good out of a fear of punishment. There is a way to “do good” sinfully. Some preachers call it “doing good not for God.”

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Matthew 5:16

Jesus is the light of the world. We are supposed to light our smaller candles from the source of His big light, and then we have the right motive for goodness – for being good and doing good things – so that people can get a right understanding of how truly good and amazing God is. Only those who have trusted Jesus can truly do good.

Be good, but don’t be good for goodness’s sake. Be good for God’s glory.

Faithful to an Unfaithful Wife

April 18, 2023 at 3:26 pm | Posted in Isaiah | 2 Comments
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Babylon would invade Jerusalem, and the Jewish people would be taken captive, but God WOULD deliver His people and God WOULD rebuild His city.

I am the LORD, and there is none else, there is no God beside me: I girded thee, though thou hast not known me:  That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside me. I am the LORD, and there is none else.

Isaiah 45:5-6

God would do this in His Own way, and He doesn’t have to justify Himself to human beings, including the people being saved and the ones He is using in doing the saving.

I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Exodus 20:2-3

God would use (“anoint”) Cyrus “the great” to overthrow Babylon, and it would be foolish for anyone complain about the Creator using His creations however He sees fit.

Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? or thy work, He hath no hands?  Woe unto him that saith unto his father, What begettest thou? or to the woman, What hast thou brought forth?  

Isaiah 45:9-10

It is absurd for little know-it-all children to tell their parents that they don’t have the “right” to boss them around.

Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD.

Isaiah 54:1

Barrenness was considered a curse in Bible times, but God can make the barren fruitful.

Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes;

Isaiah 54:2

God can make His people so fruitful that they will need larger tents. Do not try to limit the size of God’s tent in your life. Let it stretch to cover your church, your home, your job, your acquaintances, and your finances.

For thou shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy seed shall inherit the Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited.

Isaiah 54:3

Isaiah looked past the immediate rebuilding of Jerusalem into the future millennial kingdom.

Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.

Isaiah 54:4

There is divine forgiveness in God, and there is also the removal of shame.

And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

Isaiah 54:13

The Lord Jesus came once to redeem and to conquer. He is building His Church today. He’s sanctifying and purifying. He’s coming back to claim what’s His – to claim His bride – and His Bride will be made faithful, even though she has not always been faithful.

5 For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. 6 For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.

Israel 54:5-6

In the relationship between God and Israel, Israel was the one that was unfaithful, not God.

For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee.

Isaiah 54:9

This is a reference to the Noahic Covenant.

And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying, And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you;

Genesis 9:8-9

And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.

Genesis 9:15

God knew His Bride’s character before He entered into a marriage covenant with her.

And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man’s sake; for the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.

Genesis 8:21

He knew mankind very well. So, God made a covenant, but, although Israel broke the covenant time and time again through their idolatry, a form of spiritual adultery, God remained merciful.

In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer.

Isaiah 54:8

God chastened Israel again and again, and allowed them to go astray, but He never broke His oaths. And, even as He chastened them through the evil of other nations, He still held those nations accountable, and He still remained faithful to His Own people.

No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.

Isaiah 54:17

All attempts to destroy the Jewish people throughout history have failed (Pharaoh, Haman, Babylon, Rome, Hitler, their Arabic enemies in the Middle East). As Christians, we, too, want to claim this promise for us. No attacks, no lies, no slanders will ultimately stand against us, because our righteousness is not ours in the truest sense. It is the righteousness of God’s Own Son, and who shall abuse or accuse Him when He returns? His enemies did that to Him once – but no more.

Keep Your Head on a Swivel

April 14, 2023 at 11:14 am | Posted in Ephesians | 6 Comments
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See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,

Ephesians 5:15

Circumspectly is made up of two parts. The first is “circum,” meaning “around,” as in: circumnavigation; circumference; circumcision. The second is “spect,” which means looking, as in: spectacle and spectacular. To walk “circumspectly” is to walk while “looking around” – to walk carefully. When we “follow the Leader” (Jesus) we will avoid spiritual danger and sin.

18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; 19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;

Ephesians 5:18-19

Drunks mutter to themselves, and they waste time, opportunities, and lives. Instead of filling up with alcohol, we must fill up with the Holy Spirit. That way, even when we speak to ourselves, we will be edified and joyful. We will “make melody” in our hearts – pleasant sounds.

Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;

Ephesians 5:20

The time to give thanks is always. What to give thanks for is all things.

There is a big debate about whether Verse 21 should be considered the first verse of new paragraph, but I believe it is actually a segue that transitions from speaking to ourselves into submitting to others.

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Ephesians 5:21

Of course, the idea of general submission is a good segue into specific submission in marriage:

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:22-24

An Indicative Marriage (For Husbands)

April 12, 2023 at 1:48 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 6 Comments
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For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Ephesians 5:23

When we study the Bible we will get more out of it if we have some basic understanding of language and grammar and reading comprehension. In the Bible there are indicatives and imperatives. Imperatives are commands or “oughts.” Examples:
“Help me move this podium.”
“Make sure the podium is already here before the teacher comes into the classroom.”
“Let the podium always be placed in front of the speaker.”

On the other hand, indicatives are declarative statements. They declare what “is,” not necessarily what “ought” to be. Example:
“The podium is now in front of me.”

This is a statement of fact, not a command or the expression of a desire.

Ephesians 5:23 often gets mistaken for an imperative, when in fact it is an indicative. We might infer certain imperatives from it, although we don’t really need to, because the imperatives are spelled out below it. Or we might ask, concerning the fact that it states, “Why does it have to be that way?” (Because God MADE it – designed it – that way, would be the answer.) But we must not ignore it, or think of it as a goal to reach rather than a description of reality.

The husband is the head of the wife in marriage. That’s a part of what marriage, by definition, really is. The word “husband” is translated from the Greek word aner which can mean “man,” but we know when it means “husband” (married man) by the context. In Hebrew it’s is, pronounced “eesh,” and it means the same thing. In English it is from the Old English husbonda or husbondi, and before that, in Norse, it was: hus = house; bond = cultivator, tiller, steward. A “husband” is in charge of a household and is responsible for maintaining the household, cultivating the household, making it productive, providing for the household, and protecting the household. According to the Bible, he is also responsible for the spiritual welfare of the household, including the material and spiritual welfare of his wife. He is the “head” of his wife, and he is the member of the marriage with the most responsibility. He is the one where “the buck stops here” whether anybody wants it to or not, when it comes to answering to God, and when it comes to simple, definitional reality.

If the head dies, the body dies. If the head gets cut off, the body ceases to function. But if the head is full of stupidity or sinfulness or laziness, or if it goes to sleep, or if it rebels against its intended function – it is still the head. We need to acknowledge this and accept it – not because if don’t it won’t be true – but because it’s going to remain true whether we accept it or not.

13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. 16 Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.

John 13:13-16

Jesus is a “Master” (a teacher), but He is also a “Lord:” a dominus, from which we get the words “dominate” and “dominance.” We have a tendency to dislike these words because the world and worldly philosophies, and mostly feminism (in which evil men use female spokespersons to hurt women), have infected our way of thinking. Most people think that being dominant is some wicked, chauvinistic cruelty, and of course it CAN be, but that is not the primary misuse of it in marriage. It is the one that gets the most attention because it fits a popular narrative, but, remember, marriage, by definition, involves dominance. The question is whether it will be accurate, Gospel-reflective, God-honoring dominance, or whether it will be evil dominance which lies about God and His Gospel.

A husband can dominate through absence and abdication. This happens in many cases where an absentee husband dominates BECAUSE he is willfully missing in action. In other cases it happens because the husband is merely lazy. Husbands are called and commanded to emulate Jesus in their dominance, and Jesus is certainly not absent. He is not lazy. He does not ignore or avoid His bride. He is not in Heaven’s workshop or “man cave” or private office, collecting stamps or playing a videogame or refurbishing an old Model T while His people are lonely and without guidance.

We must admit that other husbands do in fact dominate through tyranny and abuse. They have not shirked an awareness of their dominance, but they have usurped it as a means to satisfy their cruel selfishness. These husbands are often caricatured, and are not as prevalent as ideologues with certain agendas would have you think, but that doesn’t mean they are not real. These are the husbands who misread Ephesians 5:23 as an imperative and wear it like a crown and brandish it like a scepter or a cudgel, instead of reading like the indicative that it is and falling on their knees before God and “husbanding” their marriage with strong humility and meekness as they lead and serve at the same time. You can’t be a gentleman unless you are a man, but you also can’t be a gentleman if you can’t control your selfishness and be gentle.

Next time, we will look at the indicatives for wives.

Your Time is Gonna Come

April 6, 2023 at 4:49 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

Psalm 37:6

The righteousness that the Lord shall bring forth shall be very apparent: as noticeable and obvious as the sun on a cloudless day at noon.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

Psalm 37:7

It is difficult to “rest” in the face of dominating evil.

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

Psalm 37:8

Controlling anger and giving up the opportunity to vent wrath is a difficult challenge.

For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth.

Psalm 37:9

This was more than inheriting the land of Canaan. This was a promise that those who trusted patiently in the Lord would inherit the whole earth.

For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.

Psalm 37:10

The time of the apparent prospering of the wicked will seem like a short time to them, and their complete annihilation will seem sudden.

But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

Psalm 37:11

What is shown on a cosmic scale in Psalm 2 is described here on a more personal level:

12 The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth. 13 The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.

Psalm 37:12-13

Perhaps you have warned someone that was mistreating you that there would eventually be a day of reckoning, by saying, “Just wait and see. Your time is coming.” Here, the Lord is able to laugh at the wicked because He knows their day is coming.

The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation.

Psalm 37:14

The wicked rule by intimidation and force.

Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.

Psalm 37:15

Deliverance often happens when defeat seems imminent, because then God is the one Who obviously gets the glory.

A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.

Psalm 37:16

This is reiterated throughout the Bible: righteousness is its own reward.

For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the Lord upholdeth the righteous.

Psalm 37:17

The arms of the wicked aren’t everlasting, but the Lord’s arms are.

The Lord knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever.

Psalm 37:18

Quiet, humble, “ordinary” obedience – unnoticed by others – is observed closely by the Lord.

19 They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied. 20 But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the Lord shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away.

Psalm 37:19-20

We shouldn’t be too pious to acknowledge that there will be some satisfaction when things are rectified.

The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.

Psalm 37:21

Here we can contrast greed and its dissatisfaction, versus generosity and the contentment it breeds.

For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.

Psalm 37:22

Now the psalm shifts from focusing on the condemnation of the wicked to the blessings of the Godly, which include guidance, perseverance, the provision of material needs, and the ability to bless others and to influence them for God:

23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. 24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. 25 I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. 26 He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.

Psalm 37:23-26

However, we must not get complacent.

27 Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore. 28 For the Lord loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off. 29 The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.

Psalm 37:27-29 (emphasis added)

This idea of dwelling means active dwelling: exercising dominion.

The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.

Psalm 37:30

We have a duty to impart this wisdom to others.

The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.

Psalm 37:31 (This is the verse I intend to show my wife the next time she tries to cajole me into participating in a country music line dance, so that we don’t have a repeat of the time I inadvertently turned “The Freeze” into a mosh pit.)


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