An Indicative Marriage (For Wives)
May 30, 2023 at 2:42 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, communication in marriage, Gospel marriage, marriage, Proverbs 19, Proverbs 27, Proverbs 31, Titus 2
3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:3-5
Titus 2:5 gives some imperatives for wives. These are things that older women ought to teach younger women to do: be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, and obedient to their own husbands. However, there is also an attached indicative – a factual statement about what will happen if these things are not taught or done: God will be blasphemed. Unbelievers will say that the Word of God is not true because believers are not practicing it, but we know that this is faulty logic. God’s Word is true whether we obey it or not, but Christians must remember that we are witnesses to unbelievers – not only when we verbally preach the Gospel, but in how we practice what we preach. One of the often-overlooked purposes of God’s plan for marriage is to advertise the Gospel illustratively in a lost world.
This is an important thing for wives to understand. Helping husbands make God known in this world means not undermining the husband’s efforts to do so. The indicative is that wives are helpers, but – just like being the head of the wife is not in and of itself the fulfillment of God-given responsibility for husbands – simply being a helper is not a fulfillment of the wife’s calling.
For example “helping” the husband rob a liquor store may, in some technical sense, be considered helping, but it’s not helping in a God-honoring way. Wives must help husbands do what’s right, not help them along on their way to destruction.
Being a “keeper at home” does not mean that “a woman’s place in is in the home,” in the sense that she should never leave.
She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
Proverbs 31:14
Wives may do things or obtain things from outside the home that help their husbands in a virtuous way, not a burdensome way. They may find bargains or work outside the home and help with the family’s financial welfare, but not shop all day for frivolous things or go to the casino and “help” him into the poorhouse.
Furthermore, being a “keeper at home” does not mean dominating all conversation or communication in the home in a negative way.
A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.
Proverbs 19:13
This is an indicative. Constant nagging, griping, grumbling, and complaining will “help” the husband, alright. It will help drive him nuts (or at least discourage him)! Pleasant, gratifying, constructive speech will help him stay positive and encourage him to be pleasant in return.
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
Proverbs 27:15
This is another indicative. Virtuous helpers help make the home a pleasant place to spend time. Wives need to be especially careful when it comes to their speech – to the quantity and the quality of their talking.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Proverbs 31:26
In most cases God has given wives a gift of verbal superiority over their husbands. They are better at talking, communicating, and effectively using words, but they must be good stewards of this gift.
Proverbs 31 is often used as sort of a measuring stick for whether married women are doing a good job as wives and mothers, but you could make the argument that Proverbs 31 is really describing wisdom using a feminine reference, as Proverbs sometimes does, and as we sometimes do for ships and our nation and even churches, calling them “she” and using “her” for poetic effect. However, it does seem pretty clear that what is being described is a virtuous woman. Keeping in mind Scripture’s teaching about wives being treated as precious and honorable, it makes sense for the Bible to describe this woman as being more valuable than rubies, but the characteristics of the virtuous woman here should not be used as the travelogue for a guilt trip, or as a chore list, or as a didactic beatdown for wives or moms who can very easily feel overwhelmed, especially these days where Instagram and social media tempt people to compare their lives and to exaggerate about how they really have it “all together.” If you are a wife reading this, I hope you will take it more as an encouragement than a rebuke.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
Proverbs 31:23
A wife who belittles her husband is still a “helper” She’s “helping” him to lose his influence, reputation, and respect. A wife, on the other hand, who verbally praises her husband is helping him to GAIN influence, reputation, and respect. And what is she likely to get in return?
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Proverbs 31:28-29
“Excellest them all” may sound competitive, but the competition is not for wives to seem superior to other wives. No, the competition is to see exactly how much encouragement, assistance, and blessing wives can give their husbands. Wives should spurn modern advice concerning “self-help” in favor of Biblical advice concerning “husband-help,” which is the indicative that God has pronounced on wives, and which, when done faithfully and obediently, will please God whether it pleases the husband or not.
And husbands must also remember that wives are not called to help husbands respect themselves. They are called to help husbands respect God.
Marriage Diagnostic Questions
April 28, 2023 at 3:35 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 CommentTags: a happy marriage, an unhappy marriage, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, Christian marriage counseling, Gospel marriage, marriage, marriage counseling, marriage problems
Below is a list of questions and corresponding Bible verses which I have found helpful in marriage counseling and in teaching married couples what the Bible says about marriage. These are designed to diagnose or troubleshoot potential problems in marriages, or, if no trouble is currently existent, then to shore up and safeguard and protect against the onset of some of the more common issues that arise to cause problems in marriages. Alternatively, they could be used to improve marriages just by giving more insight and awareness in how we think, and therefore inevitably behave, as Christian spouses. I did not provide answers to the multiple-choice questions, because they are really intended more as conversation-starters or the jumping-off point for deeper thinking about how to apply the Bible to our marriages. My prayer is that they will be helpful and Christ-honoring.
- How do you respond to your spouse?
a.Warmly
b. Neutrally
c. Disdainfully
d. Positively
e. Negatively
Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord: his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth.
2. How do you prioritize your marriage?
a. On the sidelines of my life
b. On the to-do list
c. Vitally important
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
3. How do you appreciate your spouse?
a. Admiration
b. Take him/her for granted
c. Not impressed
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
I Peter 3:7
4. Are you and your spouse unified?
a. Emotionally
b. Physically
c. Spiritually
d. Socially
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
5. What do you do when your spouse aggravates you?
a. Let him/her know about it
b. Try to keep it to myself
c. Respond with kindness
d. Respond with charity
Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.
And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.
6. What is your level of commitment to your marriage?
a. ‘Til death do us part.
b. Keeping an eye on a line which must not be crossed
c. Nobody knows what tomorrow holds
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
7. How often do you give thanks for your marriage?
a. Big life events
b. When my spouse treats me right
c. Every day
d. During regularly scheduled prayer time
Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;
8. What are your conditions for forgiving your spouse?
a. Must ask for forgiveness first
b. Evidence of true repentance
c. Forgive freely
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
9. What is the goal of your marriage?
a. Financial security
b. Happiness and contentment
c. To make my spouse what I want him/her to be
d. To glorify God and advertise the Gospel of Jesus Christ in a lost world
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
An Indicative Marriage (For Husbands)
April 12, 2023 at 1:48 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 6 CommentsTags: Biblical grammar, Biblical headship, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, dominance, Ephesians 5, husbands, John 13, marriage
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:23
When we study the Bible we will get more out of it if we have some basic understanding of language and grammar and reading comprehension. In the Bible there are indicatives and imperatives. Imperatives are commands or “oughts.” Examples:
“Help me move this podium.”
“Make sure the podium is already here before the teacher comes into the classroom.”
“Let the podium always be placed in front of the speaker.”
On the other hand, indicatives are declarative statements. They declare what “is,” not necessarily what “ought” to be. Example:
“The podium is now in front of me.”
This is a statement of fact, not a command or the expression of a desire.
Ephesians 5:23 often gets mistaken for an imperative, when in fact it is an indicative. We might infer certain imperatives from it, although we don’t really need to, because the imperatives are spelled out below it. Or we might ask, concerning the fact that it states, “Why does it have to be that way?” (Because God MADE it – designed it – that way, would be the answer.) But we must not ignore it, or think of it as a goal to reach rather than a description of reality.
The husband is the head of the wife in marriage. That’s a part of what marriage, by definition, really is. The word “husband” is translated from the Greek word aner which can mean “man,” but we know when it means “husband” (married man) by the context. In Hebrew it’s is, pronounced “eesh,” and it means the same thing. In English it is from the Old English husbonda or husbondi, and before that, in Norse, it was: hus = house; bond = cultivator, tiller, steward. A “husband” is in charge of a household and is responsible for maintaining the household, cultivating the household, making it productive, providing for the household, and protecting the household. According to the Bible, he is also responsible for the spiritual welfare of the household, including the material and spiritual welfare of his wife. He is the “head” of his wife, and he is the member of the marriage with the most responsibility. He is the one where “the buck stops here” whether anybody wants it to or not, when it comes to answering to God, and when it comes to simple, definitional reality.
If the head dies, the body dies. If the head gets cut off, the body ceases to function. But if the head is full of stupidity or sinfulness or laziness, or if it goes to sleep, or if it rebels against its intended function – it is still the head. We need to acknowledge this and accept it – not because if don’t it won’t be true – but because it’s going to remain true whether we accept it or not.
13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. 16 Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.
John 13:13-16
Jesus is a “Master” (a teacher), but He is also a “Lord:” a dominus, from which we get the words “dominate” and “dominance.” We have a tendency to dislike these words because the world and worldly philosophies, and mostly feminism (in which evil men use female spokespersons to hurt women), have infected our way of thinking. Most people think that being dominant is some wicked, chauvinistic cruelty, and of course it CAN be, but that is not the primary misuse of it in marriage. It is the one that gets the most attention because it fits a popular narrative, but, remember, marriage, by definition, involves dominance. The question is whether it will be accurate, Gospel-reflective, God-honoring dominance, or whether it will be evil dominance which lies about God and His Gospel.
A husband can dominate through absence and abdication. This happens in many cases where an absentee husband dominates BECAUSE he is willfully missing in action. In other cases it happens because the husband is merely lazy. Husbands are called and commanded to emulate Jesus in their dominance, and Jesus is certainly not absent. He is not lazy. He does not ignore or avoid His bride. He is not in Heaven’s workshop or “man cave” or private office, collecting stamps or playing a videogame or refurbishing an old Model T while His people are lonely and without guidance.
We must admit that other husbands do in fact dominate through tyranny and abuse. They have not shirked an awareness of their dominance, but they have usurped it as a means to satisfy their cruel selfishness. These husbands are often caricatured, and are not as prevalent as ideologues with certain agendas would have you think, but that doesn’t mean they are not real. These are the husbands who misread Ephesians 5:23 as an imperative and wear it like a crown and brandish it like a scepter or a cudgel, instead of reading like the indicative that it is and falling on their knees before God and “husbanding” their marriage with strong humility and meekness as they lead and serve at the same time. You can’t be a gentleman unless you are a man, but you also can’t be a gentleman if you can’t control your selfishness and be gentle.
Next time, we will look at the indicatives for wives.
A Deceitful Marriage
March 7, 2023 at 5:11 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 CommentsTags: 1 Corinthians 3, 1 John 1, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, James 1, marriage, Proverbs 30, Romans 12, self-deceit
There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.
Proverbs 30:12
Imagine that you are looking at your spouse right now (or actually look at him or her if you are in the same room) and think of something about him or her that makes you unhappy, or that at least has the potential to make you unhappy. You are probably thinking, not about something imaginary, but about something you actually know – something with which you are personally acquainted or something you have personally experienced. It might be something said or done, or something that your spouse has forgotten to do, or something your spouse has done poorly. Whatever it is you are thinking about, let me suggest to you that what you are thinking about is not as bad as you might suppose. Why not? Because what you are thinking about is at least something you know. It is something about which you are aware, and, if you are aware of it, it is something that can be addressed. Or it is something that can be overlooked. Or it is something that can be forgiven, or corrected. There is an opportunity for repentance. It might even be something from which you can learn and grow. If you are a Christian, it is certainly something that can be given over to God. Giving your burdens or your problems or your bitterness or your confusion over to God is a type of worship, and worshiping God is a wonderful thing to do. In fact, He is wanting you to do just that. Cast your cares and your burdens on Jesus for He cares for you.
However, there are other things about your spouse that might be worse than the things about which you know. There might be things about which you don’t know – things about which you are ignorant. Ignorance, it is sometimes said, can be bliss, but not in marriage. Plus, there is another category which is worse still: things about which you are deceived.
Of course, you can’t deal with something which is unknown to you. Christian love in marriage is not suspicious. It does not operate on the assumption that you are automatically being deceived by your spouse, or that you should constantly be trying to catch him or her in some secretive wrongdoing. So, if we are going to deal with the problem of deceit in marriage, where should we go to find deceit, and to deal with it, and to root it out, and to replace it with truth? Within.
The Bible tells us about the very real possibility that we are pure in our own eyes, but filthy in the eyes of God. Self-deceit might be the worst kind of deceit because it is the hardest to detect. We have to get to the root of it to know if it’s even there.
There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their eyelids are lifted up.
Proverbs 30:13
Pride is the source of self-deceit, and pride is the enemy of truth in marriage.
1. Deceit in marriage comes from a failure to apply Scripture.
But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
James 1:22
Reading or hearing Scripture is good. Memorizing it is better. But what we are really after is living it. It is easy to self-diagnose yourself and come to the conclusion that you are a very Biblical spouse – UNTIL you start actually applying the Bible.
For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:
James 1:23
That’s why it’s important to read the Bible like a mirror and not like a textbook. Look at it the way you would look at an X-ray with your doctor, not the way you read the little slip of paper that comes out of a fortune cookie.
For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.
James 1:24
You have the world’s best marriage counselor and marriage expert right on your nightstand, but just having it and just casually looking at it doesn’t fix the problem. You look into a mirror to see if you have food on your face, but you don’t wipe your face with the mirror.
2. Deceit in marriage comes from a failure to acknowledge sin.
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
I John 1:8
In marriage, to avoid dangerous deceit, it’s not enough to admit faults, personality problems, tendencies learned in childhood or based on background. No, we have to call sin sin. Make it a point to honestly (not combatively) ask your spouse if you are offending him or her. Not all offensive behavior is necessarily sinful, but most of it is – especially if it is hurtfully offensive. Furthermore, even if your spouse has learned to live with it, sin is still a big problem and a big source of deceit, because sin is primarily against God.
Confession and repentance is the remedy for sin. If we don’t have the truth in us we are in bondage, because the truth shall make you free.
3. Deceit in marriage comes from a failure to act smart.
18 Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. 19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness. 20 And again, The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain.
I Corinthians 3:18-20
Now it might seem a little funny to say that we should “act” smart, as if we are really dumb and have to fake it, but the point is that once we think we are smart (wise), we are in the greatest danger. We think we have figured out this marriage thing, or we’ve got a shelf full or books or a file of internet articles giving all the worldly marriage advice and wisdom contrived by the world apart from God and the Bible. The better approach is to admit that we don’t have it figured out, and to humbly remind ourselves that we are often extremely foolish. Humbly foolish acknowledgers of God’s wisdom are the ones He helps. We get this wisdom and live in truth and not deceit when we obey the basic simple truths that the Bible commands, and when we do not try to get cute or fancy or substitute them with gimmicks or worldly philosophy or pop psychology.
4. Deceit in marriage comes from a failure to analyze soberly.
For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
Romans 12:3
We are not good at everything, and we are not doing everything right. Do a sober assessment of your faults (and your good points) with your spouse, assuring him or her that he or she can speak honestly. Men: no getting mad. Ladies: no crying. And let’s figure out where God has gifted us and where He hasn’t, and how we can use those gifts, and how we can improve, or at least how we can avoid avoid areas which trigger unhelpful conflict or dead ends.
A Glorious Marriage
January 25, 2023 at 1:10 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 CommentsTags: 1 Corinthians 11, 1 Corinthians 7, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, dominion mandate, Genesis 2, Malachi 2, marriage, marriage in the Bible
One of the glorious things about Biblical marriage is the way it displays and employs God-honoring partnership, help, and companionship.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18
Why was it not good that man should be alone? What was not good about it? The problem was not primarily loneliness. If Adam needed someone to talk to, he could talk to God. The problem was more incompleteness than loneliness. Adam had been given a job to do by God, but apparently he couldn’t do it alone. We call the job that God gave Adam the dominion mandate. Adam’s job was to work, to subdue, to tend and care for the earth. It was to be an accurate image-bearer of his Creator, and to make Him known accurately and boldly in this world. He needed a helper to do this.
Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
I Corinthians 11:9
The husband was designed to NEED help. The wife was designed TO help. Husbands are responsible for glorifying God in the world directly in contact with the world. Wives are responsible for glorifying God in the world indirectly through ministering to their husbands. For the marriage to be glorious, we must remember our roles and responsibilities. A different arrangement might be convenient, and it might be “happy,” but it’s not glorious unless it looks like what God wanted in Genesis 2. Partnership could just mean two people working together, but partnership in Biblical marriage is glorious only when the partners are each playing the right part.
Another glorious thing about Biblical marriage is that it is glorious in posterity: offspring or fruit.
The animals that Adam named could ONLY reproduce with their own kinds. It is clear that God intended one of the purposes of marriage to be reproduction. This chiefly has to do with producing children, but that wouldn’t apply to every marriage at every stage of life. The reproduction of spiritual fruit and Godly disciples (spiritual children) would.
And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
Malachi 2:15
God could have made more Eves for Adam, but He made one, because Adam was only supposed to have one wife. The responsibility of married couples, in addition to exercising dominion over the earth, is to make more people to glorify God, either through physical birth or through spiritual fruit or through more disciples of Jesus: what Malachi 2:15 calls “Godly” seed.
Husbands are told that this is accomplished through treating wives with honor, not treachery (not dishonor). Posterity is only glorious in marriage when it shows that the marriage brings glory to God, not glory to the marriage itself or to the children of the marriage.
A third glorious thing about Biblical marriage is that it is glorious in protection: physical protection and emotional protection.
Husbands are supposed to physically protect wives from harm, and generally (perhaps even stereotypically) speaking, wives have a better grip on emotions, but physical protection does not mean just threats of physical harm.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
I Corinthians 7:2-3
Physical intimacy within the marriage is a help against the temptation to seek that intimacy outside of marriage. Emotional intimacy is a help against the temptation to seek the meeting of emotional needs outside of the marriage. For a marriage to be truly glorious, and to stay on track and focused on God, husbands must cherish their wives by giving emotional support and comfort even when it is not easy. Wives must respect their husbands enough to recognize the temptations which assault them in a fallen world, and must give physical comfort and support even when it is not easy.
30 Years and 45 Seconds
December 28, 2021 at 2:55 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 CommentsTags: anniversaries, anniversary, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, marriage, wedding anniversaries, wedding anniversary
This past week my wife and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. I guess you could argue that it was more of a “recognition” than a “celebration,” since we only got to spend about 45 seconds together on the actual date of the anniversary, and those 45 seconds were spent in the parking lot of a hospital where one of our daughters was in labor with our first granddaughter. My wife was on her way to the delivery room, but the hospital would only let one of us enter. Thankfully, my daughter delivered a healthy and beautiful baby girl, so everything worked out wonderfully, and we didn’t begrudge the reason why, for first time in 30 years, we spent our anniversary in separate locations.
I was going to write something along the lines of, “As we’ve grown old together…” but that doesn’t really apply to both of us. I will readily admit that I’ve grown old (well, at least oldER), but my wife apparently discovered some miraculous fountain of youth around the age of 23 that has allowed her to remain as beautiful, intelligent, optimistic, patient, kind-hearted, and as full of life as she was on the day we got married.
When God announced the brilliant idea (way back in Genesis 2:18) to create wives, He used the expression “an help meet for [husbands]” and some time later people got confused about this concept and starting calling wives “helpmeets” and “helpmates.” What He was really saying was that He intended for wives to be helpers perfectly suited for their husbands. I am especially grateful to God for doing this. 30 years has taught me many things, and one of them is that a “helpmeet,” “helpmate,” or an ordinary “helper” would not have been enough for me. I needed (and still need) a perfectly-suited helper. That’s how much help I need.
I don’t have a big enough vocabulary to describe how much she means to me, and how much I love her. I thank the Lord for putting us together, for giving her to me, for sticking with us, and carrying us along for 30 glorious years. We don’t know what the next 30 years (or even 30 minutes!) will hold, but we’ve put all our trust in Him. We’re not scared of the Delta and the Omicron because we know the Alpha and the Omega (Revelation 1:8,11; 21:6; 22:13). We give Him the glory and praise for Christ-empowered, Gospel-proclaiming marriage.
Here are a couple of previous anniversary notes:
Marriage: The Long and the Short of It (20th)
Here’s a Quarter, Thanks to the God Who Cares (25th)
Modesty and Louis
December 2, 2021 at 2:45 pm | Posted in Ephesians, Uncategorized | 7 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, Ephesians 5, Gospel marriage, John 3, John the Baptist, marriage, marriage ceremony, marriage vows, wedding vows
Remarks from my second daughter’s (and the second to get married) wedding on October 24, 2021:
We are gathered here today in the presence of God and in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord to witness and to celebrate this marriage. We thank God for the gift of marriage, and on behalf of the bride and groom and their families, we thank you for coming.
This is my second time to do this in the same year, and I thought it would be easier the second time, but it’s not.
My wife and I love marriage and we love weddings, but when it’s your own daughter, the feeling is bittersweet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s only 10% bitter and 90% sweet (which is pretty sweet), but it’s tough to remember your adult daughter as a baby and a young child and not wonder at how fast the time went. You can’t really get rid of – and you wouldn’t to – that image of a little girl playing dress-up as a four year old bride – or an eight year old bride – or, in my daughter’s case, still playing dress-up when she was 18!
All of our daughters are special to us – just as I know the groom is very special to his parents and grandparents and family. There comes a time as a parent when you have to shift your perspective and remember that God’s plan for most young people is to get married and start their own family. I think weddings are joyous things – and they very much help in that transition. I was thinking the other day about Bible verses that talk about marriage and a strange one came to mind.
Some of you know who John the Baptist is from the Bible, but in case you’re not as familiar, he came onto the scene right before Jesus, and he had a pretty big ministry. He was baptizing many people. That’s why they called him John the Baptist (the Baptizer).
After Jesus showed up and started His own ministry some of John’s disciples thought John might be a little upset, so they came to him and said, “Everybody’s going over to Jesus now instead of following you as much. What do you think about that?” Now, my daughter is known for being competitive (the groom is a little more irenic, so I think they’re going to balance each other out), and in competition – especially in sports – every play makes someone happy and someone upset. But John the Baptist wasn’t playing a game. He told them that his whole ministry had two main messages: (1) “The Messiah is coming;” and (2) “I’m not Him.”
He that hath the bride is the bridegroom: but the friend of the bridegroom, which standeth and heareth him, rejoiceth greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice: this my joy therefore is fulfilled.
John 3:29
That’s one of the great things about marriage: Nobody should be upset. Everybody is happy. We have been preparing the bride, and the groom’s family has been preparing the groom, and grandparents and aunts and uncles and friends and relatives have all played a part in helping to make them the people they are today, so today we rejoice. It’s their special day, and they are the happiest ones here, but we are all filled with joy for them and because of them, so, before we get to the vows, let me read one short passage of Scripture from the Bible that gives God’s revelation about what marriage really means:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Ephesians 5:22-33
This is the Word of God. Christian marriage was designed by God to be an illustration of the relationship between Christ and His Church. The husband represents Christ, Who is the Head of the Church. Groom, you must cherish the bride and give yourself for her. You must love, serve, sacrifice, and provide for her. Bride, you must willing submit to the groom, and serve, love, honor, and respect Him. This is going to be for your good, but it is a big responsibility, too. You need show the world the glory of Christ, and what it means to love and serve like Him.
The rest of us are celebrating, but we have a big responsibility here, too. As true friends and family members, we need to commit to pray for the bride and groom, that the groom would be safe on his job, and that the bride would continue to influence and teach children, which is what she’s been called by God to do.
This marriage is about the bride and the groom. It’s about the people who love and care for them. But first and foremost it is about God and His Gospel. God is loving, but He is also just. Y’all are some of the finest people I know, but we’re all sinners. Sinners are people who have broken God’s law and must be punished by a just judge. HOWEVER, God has made a way for forgive sinners. He sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ the Lord, to take our sins on Himself and carry them to the Cross and pay for them in full. He laid down His life, He was buried and He rose again. He is alive today, seated at the right hand of the Father, and He will give you a new heart, eternal life, and a guaranteed home in Heaven if you repent, believe, and trust in Him alone.
Now, we will hear the groom’s and bride’s vows:
To the groom: Do you take this woman to be your wife in the holy covenant of Christian marriage, promising to love her, honor her, protect her, provide for her, be faithful to her, and to give yourself for her as Christ gave himself for His Church?
Groom: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to her in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with her as long as you both shall live?
Groom: I do.
To the bride: Do you take this man to be your husband, promising to love, reverence, honor, help him, be faithful to him, and to lovingly submit to him as he honors Christ in your marriage?
Bride: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to him in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with him as long as you both shall live?
Groom to bride: I take you to be my wife, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Bride to groom: I take you to be my husband, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Groom to bride: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Bride to groom: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Prayer: Lord God, we ask you to bless this covenant of marriage between Joey and Juliette. Please help them to honor the vows that they have made today, and give them a joyful, fruitful, loving, Gospel-centered, Christ-honoring, and grace-fueled marriage, so that their love for You and for each other grows greater, deeper, and richer each day. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord we pray. Amen.
Considering the vows you have made today and in view of what the Bible says about the glorious gift of marriage, I am pleased to pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.
Keeping in mind that you are in public, you may give each other an appropriate kiss.
Juliette and Joey
October 28, 2021 at 12:29 pm | Posted in Ephesians, Uncategorized | 4 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, Ephesians 5, Gospel marriage, marriage, marriage in the Bible, marriage vows, wedding ceremony, wedding vows
Remarks from my third daughter’s (the first to get married) wedding on February 12, 2021:
We are gathered here today in the presence of God and in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord to witness and to celebrate this marriage. We thank God for the gift of marriage, and on behalf of the bride and groom and their families, we thank you for coming.
This is an emotional day for my wife and I. I suspect it is for some of you as well. In our marriage my wife is in charge of the emotions. I don’t do emotions very well. I’m in charge of laundry and killing spiders.
When you are the father of a daughter, the idea that she will one day get married takes some getting used to. It’s hard to imagine anyone loving your daughter enough to take care of her the way you would want her to be taken care of. Like anything in life, though, prayer helps a lot. We started praying a long time ago that if it is God’s will for our daughter to be married, He would provide the right husband for her, and we believe He has done that. We prayed for him before we knew him. I’m sure his parents prayed for our daughter to come along one day, too.
My wife and I describe our daughter with words like humble, caring, smart, funny, and extraordinarily kind. We haven’t known the groom nearly as long, but we believe that he is hardworking, trustworthy, attentive, and supportive of other people, and that he cares about things that really matter.
So today we are seeing a good example of prayers being answered. (Maybe not concerning the weather, but concerning the marriage.) Aside from Jesus saving me from the penalty of my sins and giving me eternal life, marriage has been the greatest blessing of my life. I highly recommend it to everyone. And because God has helped us to think about it correctly, today is a day of great rejoicing. Plus, it’s only day number one of a lifetime of greater and greater blessings and greater and greater joys.
Let me read a short passage of Scripture from the Bible that gives God’s revelation of what marriage really means:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Ephesians 5:22-33
This is the Word of God, Who invented and designed marriage, and Who has ordained it. The first marriage occurred between the first man and the first woman, Adam and Eve, and for centuries people found great joy in marriages that honored God. However, it was not until the days of the New Testament that the Holy Spirit fully revealed the mystery of God’s true purpose in marriage. Christian marriage was designed by God to be an illustration of the relationship between Christ and His Church.
The husband represents Christ, Who is the Head of the Church. He cherishes the people that make up His Church, and He gave Himself for them. He loves, serves, sacrifices, and provides for His Church. In the same way, a husband must selflessly love, cherish, and serve his wife, sacrificing for her, providing for her, and giving himself for her, directing her toward righteousness in Christ Jesus.
The wife represents the Church, who willingly submits to Jesus, seeking to serve, love, honor, and respect Him. A Christian wife must lovingly and willingly submit to her husband as he himself submits to Christ. She must be a helper and show him reverence.
In this way, not only will the husband and wife grow closer to each other, and find great joy in their marriage, but they will help each other draw closer and closer to Jesus, and they will show the world the glory of Christ and what it means to love and serve like Him.
I would encourage each of you in attendance today, as friends and family members, to pray for Joey and Juliette and their marriage, that they would accurately symbolize the Gospel of Jesus Christ in their marriage. I would also encourage you, as faithful friends and fellow Christians, to be available whenever possible to show your loyalty to Jesus and to the groom and the bride by only giving them help or advice that is consistent with the Word of God.
If any of this sounds foreign to you, or you’re wondering about the difference between Christian marriage and marriage in general, or if you’re not completely sure what I mean when I talk about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, allow me to show you from the Bible how you can have eternal life by trusting in Jesus.
Now, we will hear the groom’s and bride’s vows.
To the groom: Do you take this woman to be your wife in the holy covenant of Christian marriage, promising to love her, honor her, protect her, provide for her, be faithful to her, and to give yourself for her as Christ gave himself for His Church?
Groom: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to her in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with her as long as you both shall live?
Groom: I do.
To the bride: Do you take this man Scott to be your husband, promising to love, reverence, honor, help him, be faithful to him, and to lovingly submit to him as he honors Christ in your marriage?
Bride: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to him in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with him as long as you both shall live?
Groom to bride: I take you to be my wife, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Bride to groom: I take you to be my husband, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Groom to bride: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Bride to groom: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Prayer: Lord God, we ask you to bless this covenant of marriage between Joey and Juliette. Please help them to honor the vows that they have made today, and give them a joyful, fruitful, loving, Gospel-centered, Christ-honoring, and grace-fueled marriage, so that their love for You and for each other grows greater, deeper, and richer each day. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord we pray. Amen.
Considering the vows you have made today and in view of what the Bible says about the glorious gift of marriage, I am pleased to pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.
Now you may give each other a publicly appropriate kiss.
The Biblical View of Marriage
September 18, 2020 at 12:05 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, Genesis 1, Genesis 2, Leviticus 18, Malachi 2, marriage, Matthew 19
Marriage is mentioned very early in the Bible, and not just as a coincidental aside. It is a central theme in what we call the creation narrative.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Genesis 1:27-28
In the very first chapter of the Bible there is a direct reference to God creating human beings in two separate but compatible categories, and not just for the sake of variety, and not JUST for the sake of companionship, but with procreation in view: the sustaining and perpetuating and multiplying of this thing God had created that we call “life.”
Remember, Chapter 1 of Genesis is the broad overview. The specifics and the details are fleshed out, so to speak, in Chapter 2.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Genesis 2:21-24
Already in the second chapter of the Bible we see the first husband, the first wife, the first wedding, and the first marriage. This happens before the first sin, the first law, and the first mention of a Redeemer. This will help us to think about which view of marriage is the Biblical – and therefore correct and accurate and realistic and truthful – view of marriage.
Traditionally, there have been three views of marriage. The first is the sacramental view. The famous and possibly the most influential post-Apostolic theologian of all time, Augustine, called marriage a sacramental union, and the Catholic church took these words, and, misunderstanding (or purposefully misapplying) what he meant, came to view marriage as a holy sacrament of the Church: something by which God mysteriously and supernaturally infuses grace through the authority of the Church itself. What Augustine meant was that marriage was sacred in the sense of being holy and ordained and authorized by God, intended by Him to be an illustration of the Gospel and Christ’s relationship to the Church. When we look at the institution of marriage, before the formation of the New Testament Church, and even before the Law of God was given, we can see that the sacramental view of marriage is wrong. People can enter into marriage without the administration of any holy rites and without the permission of the Church, and people do not receive grace through the ritual or rite of marriage by itself. All grace is given freely from God through Christ and the Cross, and it is not mediated to us by sinful men.
The second view of marriage is the contractual view. This view does not originate from the Church or from ancient theologians. It is a fairly modern view originating from medieval courts, and wasn’t really recognized until the 17th or 18th Century. Rather than seeing marriage as controlled by the Church, this view sees marriage as controlled by the State. It is a view that is not only UNbiblical; it is ANTIbiblical. Contracts between individuals can be regulated by the State, which can approve all sorts of conditions and agreements, but only God gets to define marriage. It is a holy and divine ordinance, institution, and relationship, which has very narrow and clear parameters.
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Matthew 19:4-6
Contracts are of limited duration; marriage is meant to be permanent in this life. Contracts are based on conditions and terms of performance; marriage is based on promises that endure beyond unmet expectations or failed conditions. Contracts are designed to benefit each party separately; marriage is designed to meet the needs of the other party and to benefit the other party. Contracts are subject to narrow interpretation and loopholes; marriage is designed to exhibit grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness. Contract terms can be broad and creative; marriage is specific and cannot be altered by the parties or the government.
Some examples of so-called marriage contracts which have been – or soon will be – authorized by the State, but which are forbidden by God are as follows:
None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the Lord.
Leviticus 18:8
An incestuous contract is not marriage.
Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour’s wife, to defile thyself with her.
Leviticus 18:20
Adulterous contracts are not marriages.
Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
Leviticus 18:22
Homosexual contracts are not marriages.
Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.
Leviticus 18:23
Bestiality contracts are not marriage.
The exclusion of the sacramental and the contractual views of marriage leaves a third view, which is the Biblical and correct view of marriage: the covenantal view. Marriage is a covenant relationship involving vows made before God between one man and one woman until ended by the death of one or both of the spouses.
Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
Malachi 2:14
Some of the similarities between contracts and covenants are as follows:
- They are typically entered into freely; they are not coerced or normally necessary.
- They are publicly declared with objective rules and responsibilities.
- They have clearly-described mutual commitments.
Here are some of the differences that distinguish covenants from mere contracts:
- Covenants are sealed with oaths and public signs.
- Covenants are intended to last for the lifetimes of the parties.
- Covenants call upon God as a witness.
- There are penalties for breaking covenants and rewards for keeping them.
A Nagging Wife?
September 14, 2020 at 12:28 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 CommentsTags: 1 Peter 3, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, church attendance, getting ready for church, marriage, nagging, Sunday School
Question: As a wife and mother, I’m the one who has to get the family up for Sunday School on Sunday mornings, and everyone but me acts like they don’t want to go. My husband will stay in bed if I let him, and I have to try to get him up over and over, and we usually end up running late, but doesn’t the Bible say I’m not supposed to nag him about going to church?
Answer: It depends on your definition of “nag.” I Peter 3:1-2 describes a situation where the wife is a Christian but the husband is not, and that passage cautions against the wife using her words disrespectully to try to nag or shame the husband into becoming a Christian. The situation you are describing is different, though. In your situation (presumably) the husband has already made a decision to go to Sunday School the night before, but just won’t get up in the morning. While you should not have to be the one responsible for taking the lead in this area, I wouldn’t consider repeated attempts to stir him from slumber and remind him of his commitment to be “nagging.” Rather, you should be commended for standing up for your family and encouraging them to do the right thing.
The Deep End 