Be Ye Angry
September 21, 2023 at 11:49 am | Posted in Ephesians | 1 CommentTags: anger, Biblical anger, commentary on Ephesians, Ephesians 4, purpose of anger, sinful anger, Sunday School lessons on Ephesians, temper
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
Ephesians 4:26
There are various views as to what this verse is supposed to be teaching us about being angry.
One view says that this verse means we should never stop being angry. When the sun goes down the day is over, so we should never let the “day of our anger” end. I think it’s safe to say – and could probably go without saying – that this view is not correct.
A second view is one that is most commonly applied in the realm of marriage advice: Spouses should not “go to bed angry.” This means that husbands and wives, rather than giving each other the silent treatment, or ending the day with an unresolved conflict, should hash things out and make peace before storming out or sulking off to nurse grudges or allowing unforgiveness to fester. While there is certainly some wisdom in this application, Ephesians 4:26 is not primarily about marital squabbling.
I like the third view best: When, as a Christian, you find yourself angry or irritated in a such a way that you are tempted to express your anger sinfully, you should do an exhaustive investigation into the cause of your anger, and, with the help of the Holy Spirit, try to determine the sorts of triggers or traps that cause you to lose your temper, and then to take steps to defuse them, thereby giving you the victory over repeated lapses in temperance and self-control.
Furthermore, if there are certain landmines scattered about and buried in your life, it is not enough to just map out the minefield so they can be avoided (although that might be a a temporary solution). Instead, you need to dig up the mines and bury them somewhere else where they no longer pose a danger. The Bible warns us to be swift to hear and slow to anger, but it might (contrary to view number two above) be advisable, when our temper starts to kindle and flare, to have a cooling-off (maybe even a sleeping-it-off) period before trying to settle a contentious issue or reconcile with a contentious person.
A fourth view worth considering is to take Ephesians 4:26’s “be ye angry” as an imperative. Get angry at the right things, for the right reasons. But do not sin. Do not get angry at the wrong things, for the wrong reasons.
What are some right things about which to get angry? The next verse in Ephesians 4 suggests Satan as a legitimate object of our anger. The overall context points to the appropriateness of anger over the mistreatment of fellow church members. If somebody kidnapped you on the way to Sunday School and locked you in a supply closet so you couldn’t come to class, I, as the teacher, would have just cause for anger.
The Correlation between What You Believe and How You Live
August 21, 2023 at 3:54 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 3 CommentsTags: Christian callings, Christian duty, Christian unity, commentary on Ephesians, doctrine, Ephesians 4, orthodoxy, orthopraxy, Sunday School lessons on Ephesians
In the Christian life duty is never divorced from doctrine. Most, if not all, of the New Testament epistles have a certain structure or pattern whereby the Author spends time discussing and explaining theology: truths about the attributes of God and the person and work of Christ. A general topic will be addressed so that we know more about God and what He has done and is doing. It could be salvation, sin, election, human responsibility, unity and love, freedom, joy, the Atonement, and all sorts of other things that are vital to know. But the lesson will never stop with the imparting or revelation of mere knowledge. There will always be an application: a “therefore” or “wherefore,” where the Holy Spirit tells us something like, “Considering all that God has done for you in Christ, how shall you now respond or how shall you now live?”
I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called,
Ephesians 4:1
This is the same label that Paul gave himself at the beginning of Chapter 3, and we can see the “therefore” and the “beseech.” Considering all that Paul had just told them about God’s love for them, and what He has done for them, and the great blessings of election, spiritual riches, reconciliation, love, and unity in the Church, what comes next should be their (and our) response, and this response is a “vocation” – a calling.
We normally limited the term “calling” to religious or spiritual callings and apply them to pastors or evangelists or missionaries, but the Bible does not make that limitation. If you are a Christian you should think of your job, your marriage, your household, your church ministry, and anything you do (that is not sinful) as a holy calling – something that God has given you (even if you were not aware of some inner conviction) through His providence – and as a sacred opportunity. Do not try to compartmentalize the secular from the sacred. That is very Roman Catholic idea which has, sadly, influenced many. As Christians we should live all of lives “coram Deo.”
2 With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; 3 Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:2-3
As members of the Church, it is our responsibility to keep peace in the Body of Christ, and note the order: It is not first addressing others’ problems or perceived problems with their own personalities; it is first addressing ourselves. It is being lowly and meek, putting up with offenses and wrongdoing for extended periods, and forbearing (“putting up with”) each other for the sake of love. The idea is that this is an “endeavour” – an organized and thoughtful venture – setting out to reach the goal of being on the same page so that we may serve and glorify Jesus in His mission to reach the world and sanctify His people.
So, while unity is of extreme importance, true unity must be unified around Truth.
4 There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling; 5 One Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.
Ephesians 4:4-6
Beware of two false views:
1. It doesn’t matter how you live, as long as you believe right.
2. It doesn’t matter what you believe, as long as you live right.
Once we think correctly about the correlation between believing and acting, then we must recognize that we are not called to do either of these things in isolation. The Body of Christ is both an organism and an organization. It is both diverse and unified.
But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ.
Ephesians 4:7
Christ has given every true Christian the Holy Spirit, but He has given different specific spiritual gifts in different measures to different individuals. Note that these are double-reinforced grace-gifts. They are not earned or merited, although they may be cultivated and utilized with more excellence through practice, prayer, and purity.
Wherefore he saith, When he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men.
Ephesians 4:8 (see Psalm 68:18)
This is the imagery of a triumphal parade after a victorious battle or military campaign. The Ascension of Christ was instrumental in His demonstration of victory and in the securing and dispensing of the gifts which He would give to His Church so that we might carry on – and win – the battle in this world.
9 (Now that he ascended, what is it but that he also descended first into the lower parts of the earth? 10 He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things.)
Ephesians 4:9-10
Here are some of the gifts:
11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; 12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
Ephesians 4:11-12
One of the responsibilities of the Church is preaching the Gospel, but the primary purpose seems to be building up and equipping those who are saved.
Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:
Ephesians 4:13
Negative and Positive Charges for a Walk in the Light
August 17, 2023 at 1:28 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 2 CommentsTags: Biblical chiasms, Biblical light, Biblical walking, chiastic structure, commentary on Ephesians, Ephesians 4, Ephesians 5, Sunday School lessons on Ephesians
There is a chiastic structure that carries over from the end of Ephesians Chapter 4 into Chapter 5. The chiasm looks like this:
negative
positive
positive
negative
The first negative is an expression of what NOT to do: Stop being bitter, sinfully angry, evil in your communications.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
Ephesians 4:31
The first positive tells us what TO do: Be kind and forgiving.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32
The second positive is a command to walk in Christ, imitating God, the way little children imitate their fathers or parents.
1 Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; 2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
Ephesians 5:1-2
Jesus not only gave a perfect offering on the Cross – He WAS the offering. He was both Priest and spotless Lamb. He offered HIMSELF. What “smells good” to God is the kind of sacrifice that comes from the heart and is sacrificial and loving toward others.
The second negative prohibits us from fooling around with sexual sin in deed or word or desire.
But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
Ephesians 5:3
Fornication includes any species of sexual immorality. Covetousness is also highlighted, reminding us that it was not an attempt to be technically exhaustive which caused the Holy Spirit to list coveting your neighbor’s wife in Commandment No. 10.
Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
Ephesians 5:4
So-called “locker room talk” which involves crass sexual innuendo or jocular vulgarity, profanity, or cursing has no place in Christian conversation.
For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
Ephesians 5:5
This is a description of the types of behavior we would expect to see in someone who has not been regenerated/transformed into a new creature: people whose activities are still their primary identities.
For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
Ephesians 5:8
Light is necessary for fruit to grow. Also, light versus darkness is symbolic of good versus evil. The ancient connection of white and black to good and evil does not come from skin color. It comes from the Bible. Light exposes reality (what’s really there).
Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:10
Living in the light will demonstrate the authenticity (or the hypocrisy) of your profession of faith. The having of light invites the nullification of darkness.
And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
Ephesians 5:11
We must do our part to make sure the contrast between God’s Kingdom and the world is stark and clear – sharply delineated. Light keeps people out of trouble.
For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.
Ephesians 5:12
Spiritual light is a reflected light, not a self-generated light; it is a gift from Christ. Ephesians 5:1-15 brings us back “full-circle” to the concept of “walking.”
See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,
Ephesians 5:15
Sanctification as a Group Project
March 14, 2023 at 10:58 am | Posted in Ephesians | 8 CommentsTags: commentary on Ephesians, Ephesians 4, false teachers, sanctification, spiritual immaturity, spiritual maturity, Sunday School lessons on Ephesians
Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:
Ephesians 4:13
If you are a Christian, it is not only your individual goal to become more like Jesus, but it is a group goal that the entire Body of Christ – all Christians as a unified entity – would become complete and reach a state of maturity where the whole thing would be an accurate representative of Jesus (Ephesians 1:23; 3:19). Teachers of false doctrine want to hinder this from happening, and their strategy to stop individual and corporate Christian growth and maturity is to deceive those who are immature and weak.
That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
Ephesians 4:14
Immature Christians are unstable (blown around by fads and fables and fascinating fantasies). They are spiritually “ADD,” and like to think they have discovered some novel doctrine. They get “carried away,” and they look up to men (or women) more than the Word. They are tricked by the “sleight of men” – misdirection – getting their eyes off Jesus. Christians who are weak and isolated are easy targets for Satan and his cunning craftiness. The false teachers are “lying” (in both senses of the word) to deceive, and they are often very charming and innocent-seeming. Christians must beware of having too many friends for support and not enough who will exercise tough love.
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
Ephesians 4:15
Truth and love can’t really be separated.
From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.
Ephesians 4:16
In an architectural sense Christ is the cornerstone of the Church. In a biological sense love is to the Church what blood is to the body.
17 This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, 18 Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:
Ephesians 4:17-18
After Jesus gives you new sight, don’t walk around like a blind person.
19 Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. 20 But ye have not so learned Christ; 21 If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus: 22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
Ephesians 4:19-22
If you got dressed in the dark and somebody flipped on the light to reveal you were wearing a clown costume, you would change clothes – unless you were really a clown.
And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
Ephesians 4:23
Don’t discount the importance of the intellectual life of your mind. We really can’t overemphasize the importance of surrendering your heart to Christ, but what often gets lost is the importance of thinking rightly and intelligently about Jesus and the Bible. Don’t be hard-hearted, but don’t be hard-headed, either.
Safe and Secure: The Intersection of Security and Assurance
September 29, 2022 at 3:44 pm | Posted in II Timothy, Uncategorized | 1 CommentTags: 1 John 5, 2 Timothy 2, assurance of salvation, Biblical assurance, Ephesians 4, eternal security, eternal security of the believer, John 3, once saved always saved, Romans 3
When considering the doctrine of eternal security, and the separate but related concept of the assurance of salvation, I would like to discuss four possible categories of people:
1. People who are saved and know it
2. People who are saved but don’t know it
3. People who are lost and know it
4. People who think they are saved but are really lost
And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
I John 5:11
Many babies around the world are born without a birth certificate, but, in nations where there is a strong hospital system and government oversight, there is almost always a record of physical birth. When it comes to having a record of spiritual birth, though, we can do away with the “almost,” because there is in fact ALWAYS a record of spiritual birth. Spiritual birth is the receipt of eternal life, and this eternal life is in the Son. Receipt of eternal life in the Son should be a basis for certainty, not doubt, because the Son, like the life He gives and maintains, is eternal Himself.
He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.
I John 5:12
I listed four categories above, but, in a more basic sense, we can confirm two categories here: (1) those who have the Son; and (2) those who have not the Son. We call the ones who have the Son “saved” because they are secure with Him. The ones who do not have the Son can not be considered “saved,” but we call them lost, rather than “damned,” in the hope that they will be found.
The doctrine of eternal security is underpinned by, and, in a way, based upon, regeneration. This will help us to think correctly as we analyze the connection between security and assurance and look at the four categories one at a time.
1. Those who are saved and know it
Is it possible for a person to know he is saved? The Bible indicates that it is.
These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
I John 5:13
John’s epistles back up the purpose of his Gospel (“that ye might believe”) by adding that ye might believe and KNOW. The pastor of the church where I serve likes to say that the only thing better than being saved is being saved and knowing it, and there is certainly an element of truth to this. Perhaps you have heard other preachers ask, “Do you know that you know that you know… etc… that you are saved?” When the doctrine of security is known and understood, and it is combined with a Biblical assurance of salvation, we can see that this category – category one, being saved and knowing it – is clearly the best category.
2. Those who are saved but don’t know (or realize) it
I would argue that this is not a “good” category to be in, but certainly not the worst. Is it possible to be saved and not realize you are saved? Setting aside cases of amnesia or mental illness or disability, this category would mainly consist of people who struggle with doubt, or people who have been genuinely saved but haven’t fully understood it, or people who have sinned and become consumed by guilt leading to doubt over God’s love. I heard one preacher talk about a young lady who struggled with feeling forgiven, although the Bible clearly states that the sins of believers have been fully forgiven in the Cross. It turned out that her deeper issue was not a struggle with guilt, but a lack of repentance concerning her pride and disbelief.
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32
Confession of sins is integral to growth as a Christian, but just as important, or even more so, is a recognition that our FATHER has already arranged a prospective GUARANTEED forgiveness for true Christians. Category Two is a “better” category than Category Three or Four, but it is ultimately a sad category, and one from which we should seek to deliver our brothers and sisters who struggle with doubt and disbelief in the power and promises and grace of God.
He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.
John 3:36 (emphasis added)
Note the present tense (what I like to call the present tense eternal) “hath” in John 3:36. Security is in the POSSESSION of eternal life, not the PROFESSION of eternal life, but when the profession can be added to the possession, then the Christian can grow in faith and overcome crippling doubt and fear.
3. Those who are lost and know it
Category 3 is not a good category, obviously, but it is is not as bad as it at first sounds. A person who knows he is lost (and will admit it) is a prime candidate to hear and receive the Gospel. Much of the Bible, and therefore much evangelism, is geared toward getting lost people to admit they are lost. A lost person may totally misconstrue the message that God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life; that message is largely meaningless without the conviction of sin and the fear of judgment. That’s why the Bible’s most explicit explanations of the Gospel and the plan of salvation drive home the point that sinners are the ones who need a savior, and we all come into this world as sinners.
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God; To declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.
Romans 3:23-26
This is extremely good news for those who believe in Jesus and the truth about His death, burial, and Resurrection, but ONLY for those who believe. There is no eternal security for a lost person, so the last thing we want to do is given them a false assurance. A false assurance would land them them in category four, which, for my money, is the most dangerous and worst category a person could be in.
4. Those who think they are saved but are really lost
These people are sometimes described as inoculated to the Gospel, and, while I don’t really care for that description, we must acknowledge that a person who truly believes that he has already been saved is the kind of person who is least likely to be susceptible to the conviction that comes with the preaching of the Gospel. One of the reasons that so many people don’t like the expression “once saved always saved” is that it can be seriously misused, even though it is a valid expression. We have to remember that the expression is NOT “once claimed to be saved, always saved” or “once thought to be saved, always saved.” Too many professing Christians wear the label “saved” when they haven’t really understood or believed the Gospel, and haven’t really received the Savior. It reminds me of a story in which the famous preacher D.L. Moody was once approached by a drunk man. “Don’t you remember me?” slurred the man as he staggered about, “You saved me two years ago.” Moody is said to have responded, “I must be the one who saved you, because it sure doesn’t look like God did it.”
There are some Biblical examples of people who belonged to category four, and some we can’t be sure of, but two are mentioned by name:
Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness. And their word will eat as doth a canker: of whom is Hymenaeus and Philetus; Who concerning the truth have erred, saying that the resurrection is past already; and overthrow the faith of some.
II Timothy 2:15-18
It appears that Hymenaeus and Philetus were in error – albeit grievous error – meaning they actually believed their own false teachings. Note, however, that their false assurance, and their fall into apostasy, did not affect the objective truth of eternal security.
Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.
II Timothy 2:19
We are hesitant to disfellowship or kick someone out of a local church body, and we should not do so if there is reason to believe their profession of salvation is credible, but ongoing acts of open unrepentant sin is one authorized reason for doing it, and false teaching, despite attempted correction, is another.
Complementary Communication in Marriage
June 22, 2021 at 4:17 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 CommentsTags: 1 Corinthians 11, 2 Corinthians 5, Biblical marriage, Colossians 4, communication in marriage, Ephesians 4, Genesis 2, Hebrews 10, Hebrews 3, Hebrews 4, John 8, Proverbs 12, Titus 2
As a general rule, we don’t like it when people think they see something about us that we don’t see about ourselves. However, our spouses are very likely to do just that. When we observe our spouses’ faults, or when they let us know that they have observed ours, we must balance our observations, and our reactions to these observations, with humility. It is easy to fall into the trap of observing our spouses’ faults while maintiaining an unaware (or selective) blindness to our own faults.
For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12
The Bible will discern your thoughts and intentions better than you can.
The differences in how men and women in general communicate in vastly different ways have been well documented. The challenge in marriage is to communicate wisely, and in a way that strengthens and helps the relationship.
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.
Proverbs 12:18
God designed men and women (and specifically husbands and wives) to complement each other.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18
Men and women are fundamentally different, but in marriage they are perfectly suited to each other, apart from sin and its influence in a fallen world. Of course, Gospel marriage is redeemed marriage, so the influence of sin can be overcome with God’s help. Ideally, husbands and wives are designed to complement (not “compliment,” although compliments are wonderful ways to communicate) each other.
Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels. Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.
I Corinthians 11:9-12
Things that complement each other are not identical. In fact, they are often nearly, if not exactly, opposite. Perhaps nowhere is this contrast between men and women more glaring than in the area of communication. In order to complement each other and to glorify God in our marital communication, it is important that we remember to:
1. Make time for communication.
But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
Hebrews 3:13
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
Hebrews 10:24
2. Set aside pride.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Ephesians 4:29
3. Put in effort.
For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;
Titus 2:11-12
4. Crucify selfishness.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
II Corinthians 5:17
Above all, our communication in marriage must be gracious and honest.
Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.
Colossians 4:6
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
John 8:32
Pursuing Peace in Marriage
September 10, 2020 at 4:31 pm | Posted in Ephesians, Uncategorized | 7 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, Christian peace, Ephesians 4, James 4, marriage, Philippians 2, preparing for conflict, Romans 12
If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Romans 12:18
This is a verse that might make us think of just trying to get along with others in general, or a reminder not to go around starting trouble. (My wife likes to say, “Don’t start nothin’, won’t be nothin’!”)
We could also emphasize the part of the verse that says “if it be possible,” because it almost sounds like an excuse when we find ourselves in a conflict: “I wanted to live peaceably with that jerk, but it’s just not possible.” However, when we start to list all the areas where we want peaceful relationships, certainly marriage has to be at the top of that list.
Knowing the often-stressed importance of communication in marriage, and recognizing that there are tremendous differences in how husbands and wives communicate, we remember that these differences are designed by God, and hopefully we learn from our spouses as we “complement” each other.
The phrase “as much as lieth in you” should exhort us to put in maximum effort to try to prevent the kind of conflict which would force us to fight a defensive battle in our sanctification. It reminds us to go on the offensive in preempting conflict and in showing love: to take the initiative.
Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Philippians 2:2-4
Thinking about the other person (especially your spouse) sounds like such an easy task. But how often do we really do it? A wife has been at home alone for a significant period of time while her husband has been away. What is she hoping to experience when he first gets home? That he’ll go straight to the television or the computer? That he won’t notice her? That he will find some fault to criticize? What about the husband? What is hoping to experience when he first gets home? Anger? Unkindness? We know that we’re supposed to answer all of these in the negative, but being likeminded and of one accord is more than just gauging the current mood and adapting. It is proactively preparing to bring blessings to your spouse, and then delivering them in person.
Humility is the virtue that cultivates this mindset. Think about the Gospel when preparing to see your spouse. Strife and vainglory are the means to selfishness, but esteeming your spouse better than yourself sets a different goal. If she’s more important than me, what can I do to serve her? And if I’m less important than her, serving is a great way to fulfill my purpose.
I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called,
Ephesians 4:1
Your “calling” as a spouse is not to be pampered and spoiled and served and waited upon. It is not to be a safe punching bag or a venting zone. No! It’s to love and serve and sacrifice and help someone else to grow in the likeness of Christ even as you yourself grow in Christian maturity.
With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;
Ephesians 4:2
This will only make sense if we reject all the world’s self-help and psychological mumbo jumbo. Admit that you are low. Behave meekly because apart from God you are nothing. Recognize that suffering is one of the BEST times to show love and suffer long. Recognize that being offended/sinned-against is the BEST time to show forbearance and forgiveness.
Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:3
The bond of peace does not just magically occur when you and your spouse happen to have good days at the same time. The unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace comes about through ENDEAVORING. Pursuing peace in marriage is an adventure, an expedition, a long trip over rugged terrain requiring planning and courage and perseverance. Those things are hard, but they are also the most rewarding. You and your spouse are not Ozzie and Harriet – you are Lewis and Clark!
From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.
James 4:1-2
Most conflict in marriage does not come from outsiders interfering. Sometimes it does, but hardly ever. It comes from within us. It comes from desire born of dissatisfaction – which lets us know it’s selfish desire. Redirect your desire to get something OUT OF your marriage toward putting something INTO IT.
Marriage Should Not be Static
October 11, 2018 at 10:19 am | Posted in Isaiah, Uncategorized | 11 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, Ephesians 4, Isaiah 62, marriage, marriage counseling, pet names, Proverbs 16, unkind words
Last time, I looked at Isaiah 62:1-4 and developed the principle from Verse 1 that marriage should not be secret. Additionally, marriage should not be static.
And the Gentiles shall see thy righteousness, and all kings thy glory: and thou shalt be called by a new name, which the mouth of the LORD shall name.
Isaiah 62:2
One day the Lord will give His people a new name. As Christians we are associated now with suffering and failure, unpopularity and persecution, but there there will come a day when non-Christians (described as “Gentiles” in Isaiah 62:2) – even the mightiest of them – will see the glory that our glorious God shares with us.
In marriage, wives get a new name when they get married. Husbands do not, except collectively. A married couple comes to be known as the “Smiths” or the “Joneses” or the “Wilsons.” For Christian married couples we should not be satisfied with a shared and commonly known “new” last name. We want to achieve even more names that reflect glory on the Lord of our marriages. We want to be the married couple about whom people say: “They go to church;” “They teach their children to pray; “They look so IN LOVE.”
When you refer to your spouse in the presence of other people, don’t fall into the worldly practice of speaking disparagingly about him or her, calling your husband, “my old man,” or calling your wife, “the old lady.”
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24
Your spouse may know you’re joking, but we’re talking about other people and their perceptions, and what they think of marriage in general and yours in particular. Don’t let the way you talk about your marriage become static. Avoid terms that are presumably supposed to be funny, but, in reality, reveal boredom, dissatisfaction, or exasperation about your spouse or your marriage. Don’t say rude things like “the old ball and chain” or “the battle axe.”
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Ephesians 4:29
“Hearers” in that verse is plural, and being “edified” means being built up, not remaining static. Unkind words, and, worse, false unkind words, not only fail to minister grace to the one you are saying them ABOUT, or saying them TO, but to everyone else listening in, or to whom they are repeated.
You don’t want your spouse telling his or her friends bad things about you, but the best remedy for that is not to swear your spouse to silence. The best remedy is to give your spouse good things to say – to improve yourself, with God’s help, as a spouse, rather than merely trying to hush up the talk about your relationship.
Next time we will see that marriage should not be spurious.
The Deep End 
God’s Purposes and Our Obligations
September 25, 2023 at 12:39 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 5 CommentsTags: Biblical walking, commentary on Ephesians, Ephesians 1, Ephesians 2, Ephesians 4, Sunday School lessons on Ephesians
Ephesians 1:6
God’s gracious purpose in calling us obligates us to walk worthy of that calling:
Ephesians 4:1
Ephesians 2:5-7
God’s purpose in raising us from spiritual death to spiritual life obligates us to put away our former way of life, and to walk in purity:
Ephesians 4:22-25