Asking God to Keep His Word
August 14, 2023 at 1:24 pm | Posted in Biblical prayer, I Chronicles | 5 CommentsTags: 1 Chronicles 17, Biblical marriage, Biblical prayers, boldness in prayer, humility in prayer, King David, Solomon's Temple
Now it came to pass, as David sat in his house, that David said to Nathan the prophet, Lo, I dwell in an house of cedars, but the ark of the covenant of the Lord remaineth under curtains.
I Chronicles 17:1
David recognized the danger in ease and comfort. He also recognized what the difference in appearance between “his” home and the place where the Ark was housed could say (or mean) about his reverence or lack of reverence for the Lord.
Then Nathan said unto David, Do all that is in thine heart; for God is with thee.
I Chronicles 17:2
This was not necessarily bad advice, but it is important to note the difference between sound advice and Divine revelation.
And it came to pass the same night, that the word of God came to Nathan, saying,
I Chronicles 17:3
Nathan spoke for himself before, but now he was clearly speaking for God in the first-person voice.
4 Go and tell David my servant, Thus saith the Lord, Thou shalt not build me an house to dwell in: 5 For I have not dwelt in an house since the day that I brought up Israel unto this day; but have gone from tent to tent, and from one tabernacle to another. 6 Wheresoever I have walked with all Israel, spake I a word to any of the judges of Israel, whom I commanded to feed my people, saying, Why have ye not built me an house of cedars?
I Chronicles 17:4-6
God reminded David that even a sincere desire to please the Lord is no substitute for actually adhering to the Lord’s specific instructions. With all that David had been through in uniting the nation of Israel and in preparing a central location for the people to worship at Jerusalem, he probably needed a strong reminder that all his accomplishments were really God’s accomplishments. We all need that reminder every day! Look at all the first-person language in 17:7-14. Praise the Lord for anything and everything that has happened in your life. His hand was at work whether we perceived them as “good times” or “bad times” while they were going on.
7 Now therefore thus shalt thou say unto my servant David, Thus saith the Lord of hosts, I took thee from the sheepcote, even from following the sheep, that thou shouldest be ruler over my people Israel:
I Chronicles 17:7
The Lord wanted to make it clear that He is the one Who must initiate even those ideas which demonstrate His own glory. By way of illustration, which would please you more as a wife?
Option one (from Husband): “Here is a bouquet of flowers and a diamond pendant and a lobster dinner and a 14-stanza love poem that I wrote for you because I was thinking about you and I loved you and I hoped that you would enjoy these things.”
OR
Option two (from husband): “Here is the bouquet of flowers and the diamond pendant that you told me to get for you, and the lobster dinner that you demanded, and this Hallmark card which mentions all the things that you always remind me that you do for me.”
In other words, do you appreciate spontaneous, self-generated, self-willed demonstrations of love and affection and devotion? Or do you appreciate your husband’s willingness to do what he’s told and show that he pays attention and knows how to follow orders? In your sentimentality, I am guessing that you are choosing option one, but I wonder if you might be secretly admiring option two. Regardless, I would argue that, God, being God and not being like us in this way, actually very openly prefers option two. It is not wrong at all for God to be the initiator of grace and covenant blessings.
And I have been with thee whithersoever thou hast walked, and have cut off all thine enemies from before thee, and have made thee a name like the name of the great men that are in the earth.
I Chronicles 17:8
It’s not wrong to have a highly-respected name, IF we remember to qualify our fame or influence with attributing it to God.
Also I will ordain a place for my people Israel, and will plant them, and they shall dwell in their place, and shall be moved no more; neither shall the children of wickedness waste them any more, as at the beginning,
I Chronicles 17:9
These are things that David would play a key role in, but could only be truly accomplished by the power of God.
And since the time that I commanded judges to be over my people Israel. Moreover I will subdue all thine enemies. Furthermore I tell thee that the Lord will build thee an house.
I Chronicles 17:10
David thought he would build God a house, but he thought too small. Instead, God would build David a house that would bring glory to God.
And it shall come to pass, when thy days be expired that thou must go to be with thy fathers, that I will raise up thy seed after thee, which shall be of thy sons; and I will establish his kingdom.
I Chronicles 17:11
Note the promise of being reunited with ancestors in Heaven. The “seed after thee, which shall be of thy sons” appears to refer to Solomon, who WOULD build the Temple, but, in a deeper sense, it is a reference to Jesus.
12 He shall build me an house, and I will stablish his throne for ever. 13 I will be his father, and he shall be my son: and I will not take my mercy away from him, as I took it from him that was before thee: 14 But I will settle him in mine house and in my kingdom for ever: and his throne shall be established for evermore. 15 According to all these words, and according to all this vision, so did Nathan speak unto David.
I Chronicles 17:12-15
God had chosen David when he was a mere shepherd boy taking care of literal sheep, and ordained that he would one day be the shepherd-king over God’s own people. What a privilege! David must have felt pretty special and really proud of himself for having merited God’s favor in this way. Not so fast. Look at David’s reaction to the grace that God bestowed on him: David did not dance at this news. He did not sing and celebrate. He did not find smug satisfaction in thinking that he – rather than someone else – had been chosen by God. God’s grace makes us humble, not proud.
And David the king came and sat before the Lord, and said, Who am I, O Lord God, and what is mine house, that thou hast brought me hitherto?
I Chronicles 17:16
David “the king” sat humbly before the King of Kings.
17 And yet this was a small thing in thine eyes, O God; for thou hast also spoken of thy servant’s house for a great while to come, and hast regarded me according to the estate of a man of high degree, O Lord God. 18 What can David speak more to thee for the honour of thy servant? for thou knowest thy servant. 19 O Lord, for thy servant’s sake, and according to thine own heart, hast thou done all this greatness, in making known all these great things. 20 O Lord, there is none like thee, neither is there any God beside thee, according to all that we have heard with our ears.
I Chronicles 17:17-20
This is a real understanding of the holiness of God, and it is something easy for us to forget since we have no way of comparing Him to anyone or anything else.
21 And what one nation in the earth is like thy people Israel, whom God went to redeem to be his own people, to make thee a name of greatness and terribleness, by driving out nations from before thy people whom thou hast redeemed out of Egypt? 22 For thy people Israel didst thou make thine own people for ever; and thou, Lord, becamest their God. 23 Therefore now, Lord, let the thing that thou hast spoken concerning thy servant and concerning his house be established for ever, and do as thou hast said.
I Chronicles 17:21-23
David prayed that God would do what He already said He was going to do. Ever since Pelagius objected to Augustine making a similar petition, this has been a controversial way to pray, but it is a very Biblical way to pray.
Let it even be established, that thy name may be magnified for ever, saying, The Lord of hosts is the God of Israel, even a God to Israel: and let the house of David thy servant be established before thee.
I Chronicles 17:24
Only with this type of humility do we dare ask God to exalt us in any way.
25 For thou, O my God, hast told thy servant that thou wilt build him an house: therefore thy servant hath found in his heart to pray before thee. 26 And now, Lord, thou art God, and hast promised this goodness unto thy servant: 27 Now therefore let it please thee to bless the house of thy servant, that it may be before thee for ever: for thou blessest, O Lord, and it shall be blessed for ever.
I Chronicles 17:25-27
I Chronicles 18-20 document David’s successes in war, especially in light of the covenant just described in Chapter 17. David’s enemies were subdued/defeated:
Now after this it came to pass, that David smote the Philistines, and subdued them, and took Gath and her towns out of the hand of the Philistines.
I Chronicles 18:1 (emphasis added)
David did a lot of smiting at this time.
Mercy and Charlie
August 9, 2023 at 2:36 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 5 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, Christian wedding, Ephesians 5, Genesis 2, Gospel marriage, marriage ceremony, marriage vows, wedding vows
Remarks from my oldest daughter’s wedding on July 15, 2023:
We are gathered here today in the presence of God and in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord to witness and to celebrate this marriage. We thank God for the gift of marriage, and on behalf of the bride and groom and their families, we thank you for coming.
Only very recently in my life have I begun officiating weddings. I honestly don’t feel very qualified. But I must be getting pretty good at them – they brought me all the way to Alaska for this one. Weddings are one of the most joyous occasions we can experience in this life. If you were making a movie or writing a book, and you wanted to guarantee that you would have what is called a “feel-good” ending, one of the most tried and true methods is to make the movie or the book end with a wedding.
Maybe that’s more sentimental than accurate, though, because one of the best things about getting married is that – in real life – it’s not an ending at all. It’s a wonderful beginning.
When my other daughters got married – because they live closer to us than Mercy does – we had an opportunity to get know their fiancés well enough that, when I wanted to say some complimentary things about them, I could talk to their friends and family and do a little research, and make sure what I was going to say was accurate. I’m at a little bit of a disadvantage here, because most of you know Charlie much better than I do. Last summer when we came here we got to know him better, though, and I’m looking forward to many years of having him as a son-in-law, but here are some things we knew about him even before we met him in person:
It says on his Wikipedia page that he can kill a “bear” with his “bare” hands – but he doesn’t want to! He actually wants to avoid all bear-related violence unless he is guiding on a hunting trip. Other than that, if he happens to meet a bear, he wants the bear to go in peace and live a happy and fulfilling life. Another thing we knew about Charlie: If you turn your back on him for more than a few seconds, he will quickly assemble a log cabin all by himself. Another fact: He’s the star of the wildly popular reality television series “The Last Alaskans,” but he doesn’t actually like being in the spotlight.
Those are things we knew about him already, but here are some things we only found out about him after getting to know him: He’s honest, hardworking, trustworthy, kind, patient, and very intelligent (also, he loves Junie B. Jones books).
Seriously, though, we do not think that God could have arranged a better husband for Mercy, and we are very thankful to his parents for raising him, and we know he loves and appreciates them and his sister and the rest of his family and friends, too.
It is strange for me to be doing all this talking while Mercy is standing there silent. That is the opposite of our normal roles. Growing up, the only time I talked this much while she stayed quiet was when she was in trouble. (Mercy, you are not in trouble.)
Charlie, you could not have possibly found a better match or a more wonderful bride. Mercy is funny, adventurous, persuasive, kind-hearted, beautiful, loyal, and trustworthy. She has never been afraid of a challenge. Wherever your lives take you, I can promise that Mercy is the young lady for the job.
I’m very happy for both of you, and I am very happy you are getting married, because, while what I said earlier about marriage being an occasion of great joy is true, it is also more meaningful than just a reason to have a ceremony and a celebration. The same God Who created the mountains of Alaska, and made the salmon swim upstream, and made giant herds of reindeer all migrate at just the right time to just the right places – the same God who did and does all that – is the One Who created and designed marriage. And since He created and designed it, He has the authority to set forth its rules and benefits and blessings, and He has designed it with indicatives and imperatives.
You might think it’s weird for a redneck from Louisiana – who can’t seem to stop pronouncing the “l” in salmon – to come all the way up here and give a grammar lesson, but let’s look at what God has proclaimed in His Word about marriage.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:23
The husband is the head of the wife. That’s an indicative. It’s a statement of fact. It’s objectively true – that’s just how God designed things. But it’s an indicative that comes with an imperative: a command from God, a responsibility, not something that “is,” but something that “ought.”
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Ephesians 5:25
Charlie, you will be the head – like it or not. That means leadership. You can lead the right way or you can lead the wrong way, but you will still be leading. I am thankful that you are a young man who is not afraid of responsibility, because the imperative is to love your wife like Jesus loves His bride, the Church.
Jesus loves sacrificially. He provides. He protects. He listens. He responds. He serves. He gives His life for her. That is what you are promising to do. With God’s help you will not only be able to do it, but you will thrive at it, and you will enjoy it, and it will bring both of you tremendous joy, peace, and fulfillment.
Here is the indicative for wives:
7 And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. 8 And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.
Genesis 2:7-8
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18
That was the first wife, and so we see that God designed wives to be helpers, but not just any old helper; not a gofer or a flunky or a slave or an employee, but a perfectly suited helper; a complementary helper specifically designed to partner with her husband. Because without her he could not be complete. This is a great honor – and a great privilege – one of the great blessings of life – but it, too, is an indicative that is followed by an imperative.
[Let]… the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Ephesians 5:33
You will be a helper whether you help the right way or the wrong way. A wife may help her husband to be strong and to be successful and to be what God has called him to be – or she may help him into the poorhouse, or help to drive him nuts.
I am so excited today because I can see a little of what God must have been thinking when He brought you together. I don’t know what the future holds for you in its specifics, but I do know Who holds that future. I am sure there will be tough times and difficult days, but I am also sure there will be wonderful, inspiring, and exciting days – days of laughter and days of love.
In a moment we are going to hear the bride’s and the groom’s vows, but I want to extend an invitation to anyone who may not really know Jesus. What we all have in common – in addition to our love for Mercy and Charlie – is our sin. God loves you, but He is also holy and just. His Son paid the price for your sins on the Cross, and He rose from the grave. Therefore, He can give you eternal life, bring you into His family through a new birth, and give you a home in Heaven when you leave this world, if you will repent and place your trust in Him alone.
To the groom: Do you take this woman to be your wife in the holy covenant of Christian marriage, promising to love her, honor her, protect her, provide for her, be faithful to her, and to give yourself for her as Christ gave himself for His Church?
Groom: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to her in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with her as long as you both shall live?
Groom: I do.
To the bride: Do you take this man to be your husband, promising to love, reverence, honor, help him, be faithful to him, and to lovingly submit to him as he honors Christ in your marriage?
Bride: I do.
Do you promise with God’s help to honor these vows to him in sickness and in health, in prosperity and in poverty, for better and for worse, in times of joy and in times of grief, forsaking all others and continuing to abide with him as long as you both shall live?
Groom to bride: I take you to be my wife, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Bride to groom: I take you to be my husband, and I promise and commit in the presence of God and these witnesses to love and serve you as long as we both shall live.
Groom to bride: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Bride to groom: I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.
Prayer: Lord God, we ask you to bless this covenant of marriage between Joey and Juliette. Please help them to honor the vows that they have made today, and give them a joyful, fruitful, loving, Gospel-centered, Christ-honoring, and grace-fueled marriage, so that their love for You and for each other grows greater, deeper, and richer each day. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord we pray. Amen.
Considering the vows you have made today and in view of what the Bible says about the glorious gift of marriage, I am pleased to pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.
Keeping in mind that there are paparazzi hiding in the bushes with telephotos lenses, you may now give each other an appropriate kiss.
An Impassible Marriage
June 13, 2023 at 1:08 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 CommentsTags: 1 Corinthians 13, Biblical marriage, Divine impassibility, impassibility, James 5, Lamentations 3, love in marriage, Luke 6, Malachi 3
Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months.
James 5:17
To convince us that we need not be discouraged, or awed into hopeless inactivity, by the example of some super-spiritual saint, the Holy Spirit reminds us that even the great prophet Elijah was prone to human feelings just like we are. The word “passion” is from the same root word as terms like pathology, pathetic, sympathy, empathy, and compassion.
22 It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23
Although the Bible often speaks of the Lord’s compassions and feelings, we have to distinguish between some of the anthropomorphic or anthropopathic language used to illustrate His interactions with human beings, and His ultimate impassibility, which is linked to His immutability.
For I am the Lord, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed.
Malachi 3:6
God’s immutability and His steadfast unmovable love for His redeemed creatures provides an instructive backdrop for how we are to think about the way we are to love our spouses, and our expectations about what we would prefer – when we are thinking Biblically – our spouses to be motivated by in their love for us.
Which of the following notes would you rather receive from your spouse on your wedding anniversary?
Note #1: You are beautiful/handsome, charming, and funny. You make me excited and happy. Thank you for all you do. I love you more every day.
Note #2: There is nothing about you that is really exceptional to me, but I love you because that’s the way I am, and I will never stop.
To which of the following marriage proposals would you have been more likely to say “yes” (for wives)? Or (for husbands) which of of the following marriage proposals do you think your wife would have been more likely to accept?
Proposal #1: You are the most important person in the world to me. You make me want to be a better man. You complete me. I think you are beautiful, funny, smart, and charming. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without you. Please make me the happiest man in the world and marry me.
Proposal #2: I have chosen you to be my wife. I don’t need you, but I have decided to stay faithful to you and provide for all your needs. This is because of the type of man I am, and you should be grateful, and, in response, commit to reverence me and obey me for the rest of your life. I love you and I will not change who I am, so I command you to marry me.
If you had to choose one or the other, which of the following would you want your spouse to do?
Choice #1: Love you purely because of his/her own nature (something inside your spouse caused him/her to commit to love you, no matter what).
Choice #2: Love you because something about you caused him/her to love you (to find you pleasing or delightful or worthy or attractive).
It is not possible for us to be unaffected in our feelings because of the actions of our spouses, but we can choose not to be moved or affected in our actions, including our words, toward our spouses. Passibility is from the same root word as “patient.” A patient in a doctor’s office is called the patient because he is the one upon whom a procedure is going to be performed. When we change “patient” from a noun into an adjective, what we are describing is someone who has a willingness to have an action performed upon him, and to bear it without refusing it or fighting back against it.
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
I Corinthians 13:4 (emphasis added)
Those who would love with the love of Christ are required to suffer “long,” but not to suffer forever. Even if the suffering lasts the rest of our lives, or the rest of our marriages, God has promised to repay our suffering when we suffer for His sake.
22 Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man’s sake. 23 Rejoice ye in that day, and leap for joy: for, behold, your reward is great in heaven: for in the like manner did their fathers unto the prophets.
Luke 6:22-23
Our challenge in marriage is to love our spouses with our actions and words, even when we are suffering. Though our motivation may be strengthened by the promise of a reward, even when the reward does not seem worth it we remember our Lord Who loves us not because we are easy to love, or because He needs us, or because there is anything in us which deserves or merits His love, but because it is in His nature and character to make unbreakable commitments.
An Indicative Marriage (For Wives)
May 30, 2023 at 2:42 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, communication in marriage, Gospel marriage, marriage, Proverbs 19, Proverbs 27, Proverbs 31, Titus 2
3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:3-5
Titus 2:5 gives some imperatives for wives. These are things that older women ought to teach younger women to do: be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, and obedient to their own husbands. However, there is also an attached indicative – a factual statement about what will happen if these things are not taught or done: God will be blasphemed. Unbelievers will say that the Word of God is not true because believers are not practicing it, but we know that this is faulty logic. God’s Word is true whether we obey it or not, but Christians must remember that we are witnesses to unbelievers – not only when we verbally preach the Gospel, but in how we practice what we preach. One of the often-overlooked purposes of God’s plan for marriage is to advertise the Gospel illustratively in a lost world.
This is an important thing for wives to understand. Helping husbands make God known in this world means not undermining the husband’s efforts to do so. The indicative is that wives are helpers, but – just like being the head of the wife is not in and of itself the fulfillment of God-given responsibility for husbands – simply being a helper is not a fulfillment of the wife’s calling.
For example “helping” the husband rob a liquor store may, in some technical sense, be considered helping, but it’s not helping in a God-honoring way. Wives must help husbands do what’s right, not help them along on their way to destruction.
Being a “keeper at home” does not mean that “a woman’s place in is in the home,” in the sense that she should never leave.
She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
Proverbs 31:14
Wives may do things or obtain things from outside the home that help their husbands in a virtuous way, not a burdensome way. They may find bargains or work outside the home and help with the family’s financial welfare, but not shop all day for frivolous things or go to the casino and “help” him into the poorhouse.
Furthermore, being a “keeper at home” does not mean dominating all conversation or communication in the home in a negative way.
A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.
Proverbs 19:13
This is an indicative. Constant nagging, griping, grumbling, and complaining will “help” the husband, alright. It will help drive him nuts (or at least discourage him)! Pleasant, gratifying, constructive speech will help him stay positive and encourage him to be pleasant in return.
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
Proverbs 27:15
This is another indicative. Virtuous helpers help make the home a pleasant place to spend time. Wives need to be especially careful when it comes to their speech – to the quantity and the quality of their talking.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Proverbs 31:26
In most cases God has given wives a gift of verbal superiority over their husbands. They are better at talking, communicating, and effectively using words, but they must be good stewards of this gift.
Proverbs 31 is often used as sort of a measuring stick for whether married women are doing a good job as wives and mothers, but you could make the argument that Proverbs 31 is really describing wisdom using a feminine reference, as Proverbs sometimes does, and as we sometimes do for ships and our nation and even churches, calling them “she” and using “her” for poetic effect. However, it does seem pretty clear that what is being described is a virtuous woman. Keeping in mind Scripture’s teaching about wives being treated as precious and honorable, it makes sense for the Bible to describe this woman as being more valuable than rubies, but the characteristics of the virtuous woman here should not be used as the travelogue for a guilt trip, or as a chore list, or as a didactic beatdown for wives or moms who can very easily feel overwhelmed, especially these days where Instagram and social media tempt people to compare their lives and to exaggerate about how they really have it “all together.” If you are a wife reading this, I hope you will take it more as an encouragement than a rebuke.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
Proverbs 31:23
A wife who belittles her husband is still a “helper” She’s “helping” him to lose his influence, reputation, and respect. A wife, on the other hand, who verbally praises her husband is helping him to GAIN influence, reputation, and respect. And what is she likely to get in return?
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Proverbs 31:28-29
“Excellest them all” may sound competitive, but the competition is not for wives to seem superior to other wives. No, the competition is to see exactly how much encouragement, assistance, and blessing wives can give their husbands. Wives should spurn modern advice concerning “self-help” in favor of Biblical advice concerning “husband-help,” which is the indicative that God has pronounced on wives, and which, when done faithfully and obediently, will please God whether it pleases the husband or not.
And husbands must also remember that wives are not called to help husbands respect themselves. They are called to help husbands respect God.
Marriage Diagnostic Questions
April 28, 2023 at 3:35 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 CommentTags: a happy marriage, an unhappy marriage, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, Christian marriage counseling, Gospel marriage, marriage, marriage counseling, marriage problems
Below is a list of questions and corresponding Bible verses which I have found helpful in marriage counseling and in teaching married couples what the Bible says about marriage. These are designed to diagnose or troubleshoot potential problems in marriages, or, if no trouble is currently existent, then to shore up and safeguard and protect against the onset of some of the more common issues that arise to cause problems in marriages. Alternatively, they could be used to improve marriages just by giving more insight and awareness in how we think, and therefore inevitably behave, as Christian spouses. I did not provide answers to the multiple-choice questions, because they are really intended more as conversation-starters or the jumping-off point for deeper thinking about how to apply the Bible to our marriages. My prayer is that they will be helpful and Christ-honoring.
- How do you respond to your spouse?
a.Warmly
b. Neutrally
c. Disdainfully
d. Positively
e. Negatively
Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord: his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth.
2. How do you prioritize your marriage?
a. On the sidelines of my life
b. On the to-do list
c. Vitally important
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
3. How do you appreciate your spouse?
a. Admiration
b. Take him/her for granted
c. Not impressed
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
I Peter 3:7
4. Are you and your spouse unified?
a. Emotionally
b. Physically
c. Spiritually
d. Socially
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
5. What do you do when your spouse aggravates you?
a. Let him/her know about it
b. Try to keep it to myself
c. Respond with kindness
d. Respond with charity
Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.
And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.
6. What is your level of commitment to your marriage?
a. ‘Til death do us part.
b. Keeping an eye on a line which must not be crossed
c. Nobody knows what tomorrow holds
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
7. How often do you give thanks for your marriage?
a. Big life events
b. When my spouse treats me right
c. Every day
d. During regularly scheduled prayer time
Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;
8. What are your conditions for forgiving your spouse?
a. Must ask for forgiveness first
b. Evidence of true repentance
c. Forgive freely
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
9. What is the goal of your marriage?
a. Financial security
b. Happiness and contentment
c. To make my spouse what I want him/her to be
d. To glorify God and advertise the Gospel of Jesus Christ in a lost world
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
An Indicative Marriage (For Husbands)
April 12, 2023 at 1:48 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 6 CommentsTags: Biblical grammar, Biblical headship, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, dominance, Ephesians 5, husbands, John 13, marriage
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:23
When we study the Bible we will get more out of it if we have some basic understanding of language and grammar and reading comprehension. In the Bible there are indicatives and imperatives. Imperatives are commands or “oughts.” Examples:
“Help me move this podium.”
“Make sure the podium is already here before the teacher comes into the classroom.”
“Let the podium always be placed in front of the speaker.”
On the other hand, indicatives are declarative statements. They declare what “is,” not necessarily what “ought” to be. Example:
“The podium is now in front of me.”
This is a statement of fact, not a command or the expression of a desire.
Ephesians 5:23 often gets mistaken for an imperative, when in fact it is an indicative. We might infer certain imperatives from it, although we don’t really need to, because the imperatives are spelled out below it. Or we might ask, concerning the fact that it states, “Why does it have to be that way?” (Because God MADE it – designed it – that way, would be the answer.) But we must not ignore it, or think of it as a goal to reach rather than a description of reality.
The husband is the head of the wife in marriage. That’s a part of what marriage, by definition, really is. The word “husband” is translated from the Greek word aner which can mean “man,” but we know when it means “husband” (married man) by the context. In Hebrew it’s is, pronounced “eesh,” and it means the same thing. In English it is from the Old English husbonda or husbondi, and before that, in Norse, it was: hus = house; bond = cultivator, tiller, steward. A “husband” is in charge of a household and is responsible for maintaining the household, cultivating the household, making it productive, providing for the household, and protecting the household. According to the Bible, he is also responsible for the spiritual welfare of the household, including the material and spiritual welfare of his wife. He is the “head” of his wife, and he is the member of the marriage with the most responsibility. He is the one where “the buck stops here” whether anybody wants it to or not, when it comes to answering to God, and when it comes to simple, definitional reality.
If the head dies, the body dies. If the head gets cut off, the body ceases to function. But if the head is full of stupidity or sinfulness or laziness, or if it goes to sleep, or if it rebels against its intended function – it is still the head. We need to acknowledge this and accept it – not because if don’t it won’t be true – but because it’s going to remain true whether we accept it or not.
13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. 16 Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.
John 13:13-16
Jesus is a “Master” (a teacher), but He is also a “Lord:” a dominus, from which we get the words “dominate” and “dominance.” We have a tendency to dislike these words because the world and worldly philosophies, and mostly feminism (in which evil men use female spokespersons to hurt women), have infected our way of thinking. Most people think that being dominant is some wicked, chauvinistic cruelty, and of course it CAN be, but that is not the primary misuse of it in marriage. It is the one that gets the most attention because it fits a popular narrative, but, remember, marriage, by definition, involves dominance. The question is whether it will be accurate, Gospel-reflective, God-honoring dominance, or whether it will be evil dominance which lies about God and His Gospel.
A husband can dominate through absence and abdication. This happens in many cases where an absentee husband dominates BECAUSE he is willfully missing in action. In other cases it happens because the husband is merely lazy. Husbands are called and commanded to emulate Jesus in their dominance, and Jesus is certainly not absent. He is not lazy. He does not ignore or avoid His bride. He is not in Heaven’s workshop or “man cave” or private office, collecting stamps or playing a videogame or refurbishing an old Model T while His people are lonely and without guidance.
We must admit that other husbands do in fact dominate through tyranny and abuse. They have not shirked an awareness of their dominance, but they have usurped it as a means to satisfy their cruel selfishness. These husbands are often caricatured, and are not as prevalent as ideologues with certain agendas would have you think, but that doesn’t mean they are not real. These are the husbands who misread Ephesians 5:23 as an imperative and wear it like a crown and brandish it like a scepter or a cudgel, instead of reading like the indicative that it is and falling on their knees before God and “husbanding” their marriage with strong humility and meekness as they lead and serve at the same time. You can’t be a gentleman unless you are a man, but you also can’t be a gentleman if you can’t control your selfishness and be gentle.
Next time, we will look at the indicatives for wives.
A Deceitful Marriage
March 7, 2023 at 5:11 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 CommentsTags: 1 Corinthians 3, 1 John 1, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, James 1, marriage, Proverbs 30, Romans 12, self-deceit
There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.
Proverbs 30:12
Imagine that you are looking at your spouse right now (or actually look at him or her if you are in the same room) and think of something about him or her that makes you unhappy, or that at least has the potential to make you unhappy. You are probably thinking, not about something imaginary, but about something you actually know – something with which you are personally acquainted or something you have personally experienced. It might be something said or done, or something that your spouse has forgotten to do, or something your spouse has done poorly. Whatever it is you are thinking about, let me suggest to you that what you are thinking about is not as bad as you might suppose. Why not? Because what you are thinking about is at least something you know. It is something about which you are aware, and, if you are aware of it, it is something that can be addressed. Or it is something that can be overlooked. Or it is something that can be forgiven, or corrected. There is an opportunity for repentance. It might even be something from which you can learn and grow. If you are a Christian, it is certainly something that can be given over to God. Giving your burdens or your problems or your bitterness or your confusion over to God is a type of worship, and worshiping God is a wonderful thing to do. In fact, He is wanting you to do just that. Cast your cares and your burdens on Jesus for He cares for you.
However, there are other things about your spouse that might be worse than the things about which you know. There might be things about which you don’t know – things about which you are ignorant. Ignorance, it is sometimes said, can be bliss, but not in marriage. Plus, there is another category which is worse still: things about which you are deceived.
Of course, you can’t deal with something which is unknown to you. Christian love in marriage is not suspicious. It does not operate on the assumption that you are automatically being deceived by your spouse, or that you should constantly be trying to catch him or her in some secretive wrongdoing. So, if we are going to deal with the problem of deceit in marriage, where should we go to find deceit, and to deal with it, and to root it out, and to replace it with truth? Within.
The Bible tells us about the very real possibility that we are pure in our own eyes, but filthy in the eyes of God. Self-deceit might be the worst kind of deceit because it is the hardest to detect. We have to get to the root of it to know if it’s even there.
There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their eyelids are lifted up.
Proverbs 30:13
Pride is the source of self-deceit, and pride is the enemy of truth in marriage.
1. Deceit in marriage comes from a failure to apply Scripture.
But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
James 1:22
Reading or hearing Scripture is good. Memorizing it is better. But what we are really after is living it. It is easy to self-diagnose yourself and come to the conclusion that you are a very Biblical spouse – UNTIL you start actually applying the Bible.
For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:
James 1:23
That’s why it’s important to read the Bible like a mirror and not like a textbook. Look at it the way you would look at an X-ray with your doctor, not the way you read the little slip of paper that comes out of a fortune cookie.
For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.
James 1:24
You have the world’s best marriage counselor and marriage expert right on your nightstand, but just having it and just casually looking at it doesn’t fix the problem. You look into a mirror to see if you have food on your face, but you don’t wipe your face with the mirror.
2. Deceit in marriage comes from a failure to acknowledge sin.
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
I John 1:8
In marriage, to avoid dangerous deceit, it’s not enough to admit faults, personality problems, tendencies learned in childhood or based on background. No, we have to call sin sin. Make it a point to honestly (not combatively) ask your spouse if you are offending him or her. Not all offensive behavior is necessarily sinful, but most of it is – especially if it is hurtfully offensive. Furthermore, even if your spouse has learned to live with it, sin is still a big problem and a big source of deceit, because sin is primarily against God.
Confession and repentance is the remedy for sin. If we don’t have the truth in us we are in bondage, because the truth shall make you free.
3. Deceit in marriage comes from a failure to act smart.
18 Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. 19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness. 20 And again, The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain.
I Corinthians 3:18-20
Now it might seem a little funny to say that we should “act” smart, as if we are really dumb and have to fake it, but the point is that once we think we are smart (wise), we are in the greatest danger. We think we have figured out this marriage thing, or we’ve got a shelf full or books or a file of internet articles giving all the worldly marriage advice and wisdom contrived by the world apart from God and the Bible. The better approach is to admit that we don’t have it figured out, and to humbly remind ourselves that we are often extremely foolish. Humbly foolish acknowledgers of God’s wisdom are the ones He helps. We get this wisdom and live in truth and not deceit when we obey the basic simple truths that the Bible commands, and when we do not try to get cute or fancy or substitute them with gimmicks or worldly philosophy or pop psychology.
4. Deceit in marriage comes from a failure to analyze soberly.
For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
Romans 12:3
We are not good at everything, and we are not doing everything right. Do a sober assessment of your faults (and your good points) with your spouse, assuring him or her that he or she can speak honestly. Men: no getting mad. Ladies: no crying. And let’s figure out where God has gifted us and where He hasn’t, and how we can use those gifts, and how we can improve, or at least how we can avoid avoid areas which trigger unhelpful conflict or dead ends.
A Glorious Marriage
January 25, 2023 at 1:10 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 CommentsTags: 1 Corinthians 11, 1 Corinthians 7, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, dominion mandate, Genesis 2, Malachi 2, marriage, marriage in the Bible
One of the glorious things about Biblical marriage is the way it displays and employs God-honoring partnership, help, and companionship.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18
Why was it not good that man should be alone? What was not good about it? The problem was not primarily loneliness. If Adam needed someone to talk to, he could talk to God. The problem was more incompleteness than loneliness. Adam had been given a job to do by God, but apparently he couldn’t do it alone. We call the job that God gave Adam the dominion mandate. Adam’s job was to work, to subdue, to tend and care for the earth. It was to be an accurate image-bearer of his Creator, and to make Him known accurately and boldly in this world. He needed a helper to do this.
Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
I Corinthians 11:9
The husband was designed to NEED help. The wife was designed TO help. Husbands are responsible for glorifying God in the world directly in contact with the world. Wives are responsible for glorifying God in the world indirectly through ministering to their husbands. For the marriage to be glorious, we must remember our roles and responsibilities. A different arrangement might be convenient, and it might be “happy,” but it’s not glorious unless it looks like what God wanted in Genesis 2. Partnership could just mean two people working together, but partnership in Biblical marriage is glorious only when the partners are each playing the right part.
Another glorious thing about Biblical marriage is that it is glorious in posterity: offspring or fruit.
The animals that Adam named could ONLY reproduce with their own kinds. It is clear that God intended one of the purposes of marriage to be reproduction. This chiefly has to do with producing children, but that wouldn’t apply to every marriage at every stage of life. The reproduction of spiritual fruit and Godly disciples (spiritual children) would.
And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
Malachi 2:15
God could have made more Eves for Adam, but He made one, because Adam was only supposed to have one wife. The responsibility of married couples, in addition to exercising dominion over the earth, is to make more people to glorify God, either through physical birth or through spiritual fruit or through more disciples of Jesus: what Malachi 2:15 calls “Godly” seed.
Husbands are told that this is accomplished through treating wives with honor, not treachery (not dishonor). Posterity is only glorious in marriage when it shows that the marriage brings glory to God, not glory to the marriage itself or to the children of the marriage.
A third glorious thing about Biblical marriage is that it is glorious in protection: physical protection and emotional protection.
Husbands are supposed to physically protect wives from harm, and generally (perhaps even stereotypically) speaking, wives have a better grip on emotions, but physical protection does not mean just threats of physical harm.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
I Corinthians 7:2-3
Physical intimacy within the marriage is a help against the temptation to seek that intimacy outside of marriage. Emotional intimacy is a help against the temptation to seek the meeting of emotional needs outside of the marriage. For a marriage to be truly glorious, and to stay on track and focused on God, husbands must cherish their wives by giving emotional support and comfort even when it is not easy. Wives must respect their husbands enough to recognize the temptations which assault them in a fallen world, and must give physical comfort and support even when it is not easy.
An Aromatic Marriage
December 26, 2022 at 1:55 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 5 CommentsTags: 2 Corinthians 1, Biblical marriage, Christian marriage, commentary on Ephesians, Ecclesiastes 4, Ephesians 5, Psalm 139, Psalm 51, Romans 12, Sunday School lessons on Ephesians
And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
Ephesians 5:2
How does your home smell? Enticing and pleasant like fried chicken or homemade rolls? Or foul and malignant like a possum died in the attic two weeks ago and his sweltering corpse is still up there permeating the air vents? In order for our marriages to be pleasing to God, they must smell good. They must have the aroma that Jesus’s life and sacrificial death had to God. Having a marriage that smells good to God means walking in love.
I. An aromatic marriage is a welcoming marriage.
Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.
Romans 12:9
This means that our love must be real, genuine love – authentic love, not fake love or hypocritical love. Some unpleasant smells can be temporarily covered up or disguised by introducing stronger, more pleasant smells to override the bad smell, but usually this only emphasizes the stench. Pouring Chanel No. 5 into a jug of sour milk isn’t really going to help, and some smells just can’t be removed by Febreze or Plugins. The advertisements for most odor-eliminating products contrast their effectiveness with attempts to merely “mask” bad odors. Masking a bad odor: what an apt description of hypocrisy! Real Christian love is not putting on a mask to try to hide a lack of love.
Furthermore, we are not the best judges of the smell of our own homes. People who work or live in places where horrible smells are ubiquitous tend to become “nose-blind” or oblivious because they have simply gotten used to them. We don’t want to “get used to” the problems in our marriages. Sometimes deep-cleaning is the only solution for really removing bad odors and creating a sweet-smelling atmosphere. Deep-cleaning in our marriages must consist of spiritual cleansing.
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24
This is an important part of giving our marriages a welcoming, sweet-smelling aroma: asking God to search us and let us know how we really smell. Getting used to sin is not the way to deal with sin – which leads to the second part of deep-cleaning your marriage: searching your heart and REPENTING.
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
If unkind words, harsh attitudes, unforgiveness, refusing to communicate, deceitfulness, or other areas of conflict or sin are removed, it won’t matter for long if the practices just start right up again. Repentance is more than just admitting wrong. It is turning around and changing. Repentant marriages will be aromatic because they will be welcoming, with organic, natural, real love.
II. An aromatic marriage is a warm marriage.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
Ephesians 5:28-29 (emphasis added)
The Greek word translated as “cherisheth” here is thalpo, and it literally means to keep warm.
A marriage which smells good to the Lord is a warm marriage. Generally, pleasant smells are carried better on warm air currents than cold breezes. That’s one reason why scented candles are so popular, and why so many good smells emanate from the oven and the stove. If your freezer is the only appliance in your house giving off an odor, that’s probably a bad sign.
It is the husband’s responsibility to keep the marriage warm. He is primarily in charge of the temperature of the marriage (including the thermostat! – just kidding). Now, he has a much easier job if the wife is cooperative.
Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
The husband, being the leader in the marriage (leadership roles are assigned by God) must do everything he can to make sure that neither spouse is lying down alone, but, of course, I’m not just talking about physical warmth here. I’m talking about the atmosphere of the marital home and the marriage itself. The atmosphere needs to be comforting as well as exciting.
Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
II Corinthians 1:3-4
A husband must take comfort himself in God, and let his wife see that He is right with God, and then he must lead and guide her into a right relationship with God. The kind of comfort that comes from a good job, a nice home, frequent vacation getaways, and those warmth-producing bed covers called “comforters” can be nice, but those are cold comfort compared to the warmth of knowing that you both know the Lord and are serving Him together and that you are under His care. An aromatic marriage consists of a relationship that is warm, where the wife knows she is cherished, and which is both exciting and comforting.
III. An aromatic marriage is a walking marriage.
And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
Ephesians 5:2 (emphasis added)
The idea of “walking” is a prominent motif in the Book of Ephesians. In order to make our marriages smell good we need to be living consistently in certain ways, and these ways are not mysterious. They have been clearly shown to us by Christ. He is the One we are to imitate, but how does a married person imitate Christ in marriage, when He was never married? You will not find any vignettes in Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John of Jesus coming home from work, greeting His spouse with a kiss, and sitting down at the table to help with homework or eat supper with the family. What you will see, though, is the ways in which Jesus loved His bride, the Church.
He was consistent and faithful in His walk as He loved, served, and ultimately saved His Church. Erratic love won’t comfort your spouse, and it will make your marriage stink. Conditional love won’t make your spouse feel cherished or respected, and it will make your marriage reek. Love based on emotions or mere professions, and not on action, will poison the air of your marriage. Convenient, non-sacrificial love will make your marriage smell like a skunk wearing a rearview-mirror pine tree ornament. An aromatic marriage is one in which the spouses are imitating Christ as they walk in love – loving consistently and faithfully.
IV. An aromatic marriage is a worshipful marriage.
And there came unto me one of the seven angels which had the seven vials full of the seven last plagues, and talked with me, saying, Come hither, I will shew thee the bride, the Lamb’s wife.
Revelation 21:9
Eventually and eternally in Heaven the Bride of Christ will be shown in glory. Our marriages should smell good, like a properly-prepared bride.
Not everyone agrees on exactly how a bride should prepare for her wedding. Some wear beautiful (and expensive) gowns. Some wear yoga pants and cowboy boots. Some dress up like Pokemons.
Regardless of some differences of opinion on what to wear at the wedding, though, I hope we can all agree that she ought to at least take a bath – to try to smell good. In order for us to smell good to God we must “smell” like Jesus. In order for our marriages to accurately depict the “marriage to the Lamb of God” we need to make sure that God is being worshiped in our marriages.
Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
Psalm 100:2
When we are rejoicing in marriage, remember to worship (serve) God with that joy.
I will sing a new song unto thee, O God: upon a psaltery and an instrument of ten strings will I sing praises unto thee. It is he that giveth salvation unto kings: who delivereth David his servant from the hurtful sword.
Psalm 144:9-10
During a serious disagreement in your marriage, worship God with that disagreement.
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.
Isaiah 61:3
In sadness and grief and mourning, worship God.
When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.
Psalm 27:10
In times of confusion or feeling misunderstood, worship God by acknowledging and appealing to Him.
The Deep End 
The Household Code: Husbands and Wives
May 9, 2023 at 1:54 pm | Posted in Ephesians | 4 CommentsTags: Biblical marriage, commentary on Ephesians, Ephesians 5, Gospel marriage, household code, husbands, husbands and wives, Sunday School lessons on Ephesians, wives
Some commentators call the section of Scripture which begins in Ephesians 5:21 or 5:22 the “household code.” It consists of three groups of two pairs. They all have the same pattern: the first member of the pair addressed is the member who is required to submit to the second member. The second member is granted authority. Each is given a command, and each is given a motivation.
For wives, the command is to submit to their husbands. The motivation is that the husband is the head of the wife, and that he represents Christ in a picture of Christ and His relationship to the Church.
Ephesians 5:22
Wives are commanded to submit to their OWN husbands, not other husbands, and not men in general, and they are commanded to submit “as unto the Lord.” Wives should think of it as doing it FOR the Lord.
Ephesians 5:23
The husband is not the head of the wife in the sense that he is the source of her power to walk in righteousness. No, only Christ Himself is the head/source in that sense. The husband is the head of the wife in an authoritative sense – the way a general in the army would be the head of an inferior-ranked soldier. Husbands and wives are equal in value, but ordered in rank. Husbands are “saviors” of their wives in the sense of protection, provision, and purpose, but not in the sense of spiritual salvation. This is talking about how Christ cares for His Church, not how He pays for its sins (although He does both).
Ephesians 5:24
Wives are to be subject to their own husbands in every thing, not just the easy, agreeable things.
For husbands, the command is to love their wives. The motivation is Christ’s giving of Himself for the Church. Note how many more verses and words are dedicated to addressing husbands than wives. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that husbands get more authority than responsibility, or more privilege than accountability.
Ephesians 5:25
Just as the command to submit meant a special voluntary submission, this “love” is a special, self-sacrificial, directing-toward-righteousness type of love. For those who like to imagine marital love as being inextricably linked (and limited) to things like red roses, sentimental poetry, sunset walks on the beach, and cuddles next to a roaring fire on a cold winter night, I am sorry to report that the type of love commanded in Ephesians 5:25 is not emotional love. It is active love. It’s deciding and doing, not doting and dreaming. Christ “gave Himself;” He died for the Church. But He also lived – and lives – for the Church.
Ephesians 5:26
This was previously shown in Ephesians. The motivating love and electing grace of God was directed toward saving and sanctifying a pure and holy people. Husbands are to sanctify (a positive setting-apart) their wives, and to cleanse (a negative removal of spiritual stains and dirt) them. This is not to be done through worldly means, but through the active and living and cleansing and transforming Word.